hello people. its been awhile since i've updated. i've getting lazy-ier to post anything here just by seeing the skin itself. perhaps i will change it soon if i have the time. i wont blog much today, but pictures will be up for the past weekend that i've went out.
roy was sad due to some silly reason. its not that silly if it actually happen but roy was just thinking too much over it. let me qoute one phrase that he said when i told him to talk things out to her, "its useless. its too late." HAHA! i told you i would write it in here. why cant she see that she's the only girl that he really loves? its stupid when people thought that there's something going on between us. for goodness sake, i have someone else.
anyway, i was freaking excited to meet byg. after all, we've not been good terms with each other for the past weeks. seriously, i was looking forward for this very day. we went beach rd, then bugis lastly, vivo. we tried oreo cheesecake and someone get addicted to it. thanks to me that is. sweets, you're the only one that i adore, i promise. (:
although, i was pissed off at certain time of the day but after all, it was a great day to me somehow. thanks to aaron and nad for the company. and also, i got to watch the fireworks. the fireworks was like freaking amazing but its annoying when people keep on screaming and all each time they are shown onto the sky. macam jakun gitu.
today is my uncle's birthday so yeah, HAPPY 53th BIRTHDAY! fyi: my mum is on the left (: my mum and i joined in the celebration at around three just now and we had some lunch there. snap some pictures with cousin too and i'm still waiting till she's online to pass the pics. i've also bought a present for juline after nearly a week of undeciding what present to give her. a hint: its something that we like.
i'm off. i'll be online again later when my social studies is done.
10. the truth means everything to a dying heart where were you when things fell apart? excuses you gave, insulted me. take a long hard look at the truth and you’ll see. credits: applesaucex
9:30 PM
i'm all alone at home && i'm loving it
i went home at 1 am yesterday. my second time this year, going home around that time. blame on kimmy even though i told him i wanted to go home at 11.30am and we're still esplanade till 12am. by the time, we walked to city hall mrt, its already 12.30. no bus nor mrt is still available by that time. i was worried sick for my mother seriously cause for a girl to go home that late, all mums will be worry about. i should have went home with fiza in the first place. in the end, we took cab to go home as both of us are rushing for time and he paid for it. how nice of him.
i wouldnt elaborate much on the ealier part of the day cause its suck, i have to admit. sorry love, i wasnt myself. things just get better after i met fiza and so on. fiza and i bought this best friend necklace in cine. seriously, i like it. oh yes, sharin did save my ass by waiting for me downstairs. my mum lied on my behalf to my dad that i went to watch movie with sharin which is not true obviously. if my mum didnt tell that to my dad, i wont know what i will get from him. okay. now, i do own sharin a favour. A BIG ONE, that is.
finally, things are settled. our problems are gone. with me now getting happier [thanks to kimmy that is], i can clearly know that i still love you (:
8:00 PM
i love number 1, 4, 5, 8 . how about yours?
1. to love is to suffer. to avoid suffering, one must not love; but then one suffers from not loving. therefore, to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer, to suffer is to suffer. to be happy is to love; to be happy then is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy; therefore to be unhappy one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. i hope you're getting this down.
2. you may have created my past,and fucked up my present, but you have no control over my future.
3. sometimes the hardest thing to do is to do nothing.
4. everyone says love hurts, when actually love doesn’t hurt. love didn’t leave you for some other girl.it didn’t cheat on you, nor did it break your heart. so stop blaming love for once and start blamingthe asshole that treated you like shit and gave you up.
5. whoever said, "you don't know what you have until it's gone" is wrong, because you know exactly what you have when you have it, you just don't know how much you need it until you can't have it anymore.
6. a girl's heart is an ocean full of secrets.
7. we always hurt the ones we never really loved. we always think we're all alone, we're always broken.
8. sometimes i wake at night and i ask, “where have i gone wrong?” and a voice says to me, “this is going to take more than one night.”
9. things with us are never normal. i think we like it that way, never knowing what might happen from one day to the next. i think that's why we can't ever let each other go.
7:30 PM
not much edited done. the lighting sucks.
11:50 AM
11:45 PM
i'm going out pretty soon with fiza. yes, yes. we're okay now (:
just forget about yesterday entry. i seriously got a bad moodswing these few days however, its not because of menses. for goodness sake, i dont know why. the point i'm getting across yesterday was just that i didnt want this relationship to turn out like the previous one. that one suck. i just want this to be something better.
and you know what, i just hate it when i start not to care about stuff. cause when i do, i seriously dont bother even the biggest thing in life that i used to worry about.
the conclusion of this entry: i currently hate my life.
5:45 PM
its thursday finally, after so long. tomorrow, its already friday. YEAH! i may go out shopping to buy a top with nickky, a new friend of mine (:
since he needed more time with his friends, i give him all the time he wants and need. both of our sentiments proofs that i'm being too dependent on him recently and you know what, i regret it. i guess i just doesnt want history to repeat itself and thats why i'm becoming this way. so much of me wanting to change for the better. i guess i've change at the wrong moment of time. dont blame me for being back what i used to be cause i'm just trying to be independent. first step of doing so: is to give up caring the little things about us and think more about myself.
anyway, other than the problem above that i am facing, the rest of my life is great. although prelims and O LVL is coming very soon. now, i need study partners. anyone for grab?
i'm off. more updates should be tomorrow.
6:50 PM
yesterday, i went to watch harry potter with my sweetheart, aaron at marina. anyone jealous that i get to watch it so fast? HAHAHA! sadly, we got to watch it like in the first row and this is the first time, i went to watch the movies and it was fully packed. kiter jakon lah.
then, went ljs at marina and i saw hidayat and ali near there. i managed to talk to them and stuff. "yayat, bukan dating lah. jangan fikir bukan-bukan. grrr!! HAHA!" soon, i saw shahul, zul pendek and nurul. i gave them just a friendly smile cause i wanna eat already.
anyway, i saw elfie and his friends at esplande after the movie and they were like just around 1254814584784 near me. bloody. with aaron having such a cute body [HAHA!!], i was hiding behind it. but i guess, hatim saw me cause i kept on peeping at them. i regretted not to bother to talk to them or something before they leave like around 10-15 mins later from there and i saw naj and his friend soon after. at around 10pm, i make my way home ALONE. then i saw my cousin, azlan. chat with him alittle while, then off my way to the mrt and i reached home at around 10.30.
9:00 AM
i've been a bad blogger nowadays. yes, i only updated here every friday which is pathetic. i've been busy with school especially. school has been tiring eversince june holidays are over and you know what, prelims is coming. shit.
i just had my part B practical for F&N just now and i was the muffin people. i reached home at 6pm. yes, bloody F&N took my precious friday away. never mind. there's always next week. oh ya, on monday, i'm going to have my malay O LVL LC which starts at 4.30pm. another day, of going home late. this is not getting any better for me. being sec four is torturing ):
hazmi called me out of the sudden just now. i was suprised seriously. after of not contacting each other like around 8 months or so, he called me up to ask how i was doing and stuff. thanks for the calling . its been great, catching up times with you although we only chatted like around half an hour and i didnt talk that much. fyi: hazmi is one of sharin's [my ex] friend who we used to hang out together last year.
sadly, i've been talking to myself alot lately. proof: three gf of mine had noticed that recently and told me. i guess i keep alot of things to myself and i only told kiwi about this since he sit just next to me every school days. i just dont want to let my emotions take control of me, thats the reason i dont wish to elaborate more in here and tell anyone around me yet. i realised that it is a fact[hint:read my previous post to get what i mean], it is the truth, something i have been avoiding all this while and it just hit right on my face. now, i am truly letting go of it all. whats the purpose of me _____ when i get this same shit again. thats not what i expected after we _____. i had think it through these past few days and i can see that there is no point of thinking about it when in the end, i wont understand it all.
i'm off. its a long one after so long.
8:30 PM
the last day of detention finally, its all over. its been a week that i've been serving it due to didnt come for the science retest on the june holiday. our detention was to stay back till 6pm to do self-study everyday. yes, including my precious friday. i was freaking happy when it all ends just now like those kids who is having their POP today. *screaming YEAH!!!!!*
yesterday, it was our _____ so happy _____. i love you, sweets [:
anyway, i had my malay oral on wednesday at bartley secondary. i screw-ed up. seriously, the question was easy. i was nervous and everything so i panic-ked my way through. when i read the passage, i can hear myself trembling and rushing to end it. every question, the invigilator asked, i merely aswered it with just two sentence and some half-way phrases. thats how bad i did. pray hard that i did well for my paper so that my marks will pull me up.
now, i feel like ____. dont ask me what is it and why i feel that way. maybe blame it on my menses for thinking such stuff or its just the bloody, cold fact. i denying it myself to believe it even. i'm not telling anyone for now till i got a solid evidence that my sentiment coincides with what it is happening right now. a hint: i feel this way before, exactly three months ago. enough, is enough. i dont deserve this at all.
8:15 PM