11:45 PM
i miss blogging so much. been awhile since i've updated here. well, all the blame goes to sharin who didnt give me the chance to use the computer during weekdays except for friday which he would goes out with his gf. btw my exams are still going on till tuesday. so far, all my the exams paper are difficult. gonna fail alot of subjects most probably. even if i pass, i would just get bottom line marks. darn. my efforts = none.
honestly, i got nothing much to blog. i'm just bored sitting at home. all alone with my cat.
sunday, going out with my sweetie again. gosh. i miss him much. cant wait for it.
by the way, i'm changing myself up due to some personal reasons. denes hate it and WAY prefer my old self more. and so do, most of my friends. but because of my sweetie, i dont mind changing so much till he's happy with it. i know that i cant make people change me and he should accept me for who i am but my bad habits have become a problem to alot of people esp to some of my ex bf for a long time but i never take into consideration of changing cause i know i'm used of being that way and it will be hard for me to change that part of me.
the list of things that i've change during this week:
1) no more of hitting guys
2) not hanging out with guys that much
3) be more like a girl
4) never get angry for what people said or criticize about me
5) say thank you or praise them back when someone compliment me
6) repeat what i said when someone doesnt hear clearly on what i said
7) relax myself up
dont believe me. try talking to me or ask anyone around who have hang out with me these few days. they would notice a change about me somehow or another.
thats all for today. toodles`
4:30 PM
ps: its a long entry today to you, readers.
i have a great time yesterday night. except for the part where nura and me kept worrying about our parents calling us and lying about where we are. but overall, it was my best night of all. and with nura around, i was indeed so hyperactive with them. i want to go out with them again. *storm my feet all around* but too bad, exam are coming up like tommorrow. no more going out and going out at night for the upcoming days.
anyway, i met nura inside kallang macdonald. and i was rushing there cause she told me to meet her at 5.15pm. and btw at 4.30 pm, i still havent take my shower. *laughing* but i told her that i have to wait for my mum cause i want to ask her for money and i dont want to use my $50 note. but i'll still used it in the end cause by the time, 5.45pm, my mum still havent come home from my grandma house. so i got no choice but to get out from my house and make my way to the mrt station.
i reached kallang at 6.00 pm. then met her at macd. saw chiw foong, jesslyn and see hwa eating there but i bet you they didnt saw me. we took the train then make our way to somerset. we were somehow early by 50 mins. *laughing* honestly, nura thought that the thinking day would end at 6 plus. which i have told the guys to meet us at somerset at 7.15. so we just walk around to cineleisure and heeren to find some hair clips but we end up not buying anything. and sweetie called me to tell me that he gonna be late cause his friend still havent reach yet. so we again, waste our time, walking around somerset and went to eat some snacks at orange julious. saw this sec one girl while we are walking. and we talked bad about her. =X then off to the mrt station.
met the guys at somerset mrt at around 8 i think. his friend named mustika which we called him mus-mus. *laughing it loud sarcastically* my first impression about him was that he is quiet type of guy. really. with his looks, he looks so innocent i tell you. but i guess i'm wrong again. so we went to eat or can i say, the guys at burger king at cineleisure. well, i didnt eat much honestly cause i'm like so full from eating the snacks just now and i dont have the appetite eat in front of them. gosh. i really have that phobia since last year. XD
then we went arcade, to play a game, i dont know what is it called, which all of us could play together. when they entered e-zone, i already went like omg. but nura was like so optimistic about it. nevermind. we played it for 3 rounds. 2 rounds, i'm with nura and we were defeated by the guys. fine. fine. and the last round was with my sweetie of course and we won. *blush*
then make our way to marina. they actually wanted to play pool but me and nura were under 16. i felt so bad, that they cant play it. then they wanted to play bowling but i said that i dont want cause i dont really have the mood to play. and we went to waste our little time at the arcade again cause mus-mus love arcade alot as you can see. *roll eyes*
then we decided to go esplanade for awhile. and i get to spent some time with my sweetie. he ever so sweet. and he does that thing to me and nura was like teasing just because she was just beside me. woo. i'm not telling what he did to you readers. *tongues out* by this time, i i get to know mus-mus even more. and he is one funny guy. he kept distubing me and i keep hitting him. see, its like i know him long. and he look so cute when he do this one action to nura. and i kept teasing them. but nura told me that she is not interested in him. but i dont think so nura. *laughing hard*
then 11.30, we make our way home. and we took the last train home. i was like rushing cause my train was like in 1 min and i got no time to say goodbye to sweetie. and home sweet home. as usual, my mum nagged but luckily just awhile. texted nura for while before dozing off to my sweet wonderland.
meeting sweetie again today but this time, only the two of us. we're studying together at woodlands library. and i get to spent time with him alone again. YEAH! (:
FYI: I'M HAVING MY PERIOD YESTERDAY! IT SUCKS! i hate it when it comes so sudden.
off to other sites. i'm bored here. toodles`
8:00 AM
been awhile since i've updated here. and i even change my skin. i'm getting bored with the previous. and i love this skin cause its totally simple and nice, the way i like it.
anyway, i cant wait for tommorrow. i will be going out with my sweetie, his close friend and nura to somerset. woohoo. he gonna do something that for sure gonna blush me and i will never forget it. i'm not telling you readers what is he gonna do to me. *bleah*
at last, someone is out of my life. been four months since i've tried so much to forget him and in the end, my effort is worthwhile. we are friends now. just normal friends. but i dont know why till now, someone else is still occupying my mind besides my sweetie of course. he no longer wanna be in contact with me. i feel as if i'm missing him. i kept thinking of him these few days. gosh. i didnt thought that i would ever have this problem. i cant believe it myself. as if i really want all this to happen. arrrggg.
i got to go. my neck are aching. been online for three hours now. ciaoz.
6:00 PM
well, today valentines' day. nothing much different for me especially. stephanie get a bouquet of flowers from her previous guy. i cant actually remember his name but she's getting back with him as what she told me in the early in the morning. then wai twoo gave something to this sec 1 girl and she gave him one too. gosh. today have alot of impact in everyone esp couples:)
i didnt get anything honestly from anyone today and i dont wish to get any. i just get some valentines' wishes from my close friends or some guys that used to have a crush on me or still having a crush on me till now. but whatever with it.
btw, i like only my sweetie. he's my one and my only one. just to clear some mis-communication or mis-understanding that i have towards you readers. i DO NOT have any targets other than my sweetie. honestly, i tend to reminisce back to my past so i would keep remembering my past love ones so dont be mistaken that i like ALOT of guys when the actual fact is that im just remembering some of my sweet old memories.
thanks to "somebody" for what you have said in my tag. i totally appreciate it alot. if i know you somehow, i would like to say thank you to you personally. i'm really grateful to you.
off to doing last minute homework. vrrrrooommmm....
8:15 PM
its late at night. gosh. i'm having my moodwings again.
FCUK MOODSWINGS!!!!
why must i think of him, the one that i supposed to hate. its shocking that i really even care about him that i used to thought long ago that i only like him. god. why must the feeling come back to me again. i dont wish to reminisce about it no more. i hurt too much then. way too much.
i've move on. see. i have found my right guy. but do i actually really like that right guy in my heart or is it just that im creating an illusion for everyone to see that i no longer care about him or he meant nothing to me anymore or is it, in the first place, that i've just pretended not to care about him in front of my friends.
past. i hate those past. i've make too much mistakes in my life. if i can turn back the time, i wish not to sacrifice my happiness for someone else or for everyone sake for my happiness.
i've dissapointed everyone around me. from my parents to siblings to boyfriend to friends and even, i'm totally dissapoint myself even more. see. honestly, i never happy for myself.
not even my sweetie or songs could cheer me up this time. i shall be sad for awhile and cry it out for sometime cause this time, my world is collapsing real hard on me.
i'm a perfectionist and i got low self confidence. so if you're not happy with what i've said, then just walk away, give me your fake smile and put your so called "nice" comments in my tag.
10:30 PM
its been long since ive blog. been busy with school work and all. and i still havent complete my geog homework which is due tommorrow which he gave us like one week ago to finish. -_- i know i'm lazy.
and plus, sharin is not at home yet cause he got detention class with junaid so i got the time to blog for awhile before continue-ing my hwk.
alot of things happenned recently.
firstly, hafizhan is unattached now if you know what i mean. everytime he sees me, he would ask me what he gonna do and some advices just because i've experienced it alot of time which i know its sucks. i mean the feeling sucks and its hurts.
secondly, nabillah cried in class just now due to "some" reason. i shouldnt mention why. and the cruel thing is that, haiqal laughed at her indirectly. he just laughed at his sit.
thirdly, exam is around the corner. i'm totally not prepare for it. i mean i'm always busy with stuff and i got no time to revise at all. sigh.
lastly, i met my sweetie yesterday and nura followed along. yup. she's the lightbulb but i dont think so cause if she's not around, i wont be that noisy. well, he talked alot which is totally fine with me. so far, only three person kept telling me to grab him. people please. i want to take my time. and i dont want to rush things through cause i'm scare i might regret it later and i just know him like a few weeks only. i think that i want to be attached to him after o level. okay. i know its long but i have the feeling that i dont really have the enough time to really spent my time with him. i mean for now, i felt that my schedule is hectic and whats more when if i went secondary four. even worst. most probably, more hectic.
talking about this, i realised that the sec 4es and 5ns are taking their o level results tommorrow. well, wish them good luck. remind me of someone who will be taking it but whatever with it. its the past.
got to go now. i need the time to relax and a short nap. toodles.
5:30 PM
okay. i was supposed to be offline long ago but i dont why i cant seems to just shut this computer off cause somehow its seems that i got something to do in the net when actually i got nothing to do.
i shall stop being pessimistic for awhile in this blog. i mean if the readers of my blog keep reading that i'm sad and all. its as if i'm trying to gain their sympathy with what i've went through when i'm just trying to let my feelings out. i shall try to pull myself together and be strong for everyone sake. even my sweetie told me so. (:
met up with my sweetie yesterday for the first time. he's hotter in real life and looks somehow like fauzie laily. woo. *bleah* to azuu. i kept laughing on the way to the cinema cause i feel odd somehow. watch the movie "fun with dick and jane". funny show. you all should watch it. and he treat me like everything. how nice is him you tell me. then we went suntec to play arcade. i'm like eeeeerrr. i no longer like arcade but somehow he forced me into playing car racing. fine. fine. i dont mind. and i won. haha. anyway, on our way to esplanade, we saw the fireworks. and i realised that he kept looking at me while i was looking at it. and i told him this, "i cant believe that i watching this with you cause i always imagine that i would watch this with my bf". honestly, i qouted this from "eiffel, i'm in love movie". hehe. then chatted there till 11.25 pm. reach home at 12 midnight. yup. my mum nagged at me. but whatever with it.
i starting to have feelings for my sweetie. and i no longer care about him. cause no use of wondering to the past where i know he will never come back to me. whats the use. he just wasting my time and time is precious. even though, how many time i said that, somehow i would still want him later. it gets on my nerve. but what can i do?
shall stop now. homework is piling up. got to do them. ciaoz.
4:30 PM
i'm not in my mood again.
yes. this time, i'm feeling sad, bored and everything.
i'm thinking too much i guess.
going out with him later.
i am lazy to go honestly.
but do i have any other choice?
maybe changing my blog into xanga instead of blogger.
but gonna change it when i'm seventeen.
and i'm totally looking forward for that day.
and plus, i can change my url too.
i'm sick of huggies and kisses.
cause i no longer have those happy-happy thoughts.
ps: i'm not into myself lately.
1:30 PM
sometimes i wonder whats the use of having friends when they, themselves criticize you. gossip about you. or even talk bad behind you. even if you really like them in person, but do you actually know what they think about you as a friend? or do you even ask them about that? strangely, i always felt that my friends dont actually turn out be to what i thought they would be. we laugh, smile and hang out with each other. but when the day comes to an end, we are total strangers in heart. so who are you in my life. thats the question i have.
dont ever ask me whats my precious memories with my friends. cause honestly, i tend to forget them sooner or later. and i got none left to remember them in my memory list. but you're so close to them. ya. but so what. do they actually know you inside out?
i've always try hard to please people but some just still, never try to appreciate me. does it hurt? yes. it is. alot i may say. but you cant make everyone appreaciate you. i know that. you dont have to tell me.
i'll always wanna start anew after every quarrel i had with my friends. but some secretly just continue hating me even if i've already apologised to them or even try to befriend them back. i may say that i dont care but the fact is that i wanna be their friend cause i wanna everyone to like me. get it. i want people to like me. i'm really trying not to hate anyone cause i feel bad and rude. yes. bad. everyone has its bad point. and so am i.
i'm stubborn. i'm petty. i'm short-tempered. i'm childish. i love to attract attention. i'm a hypocrite. i'm a poser. i'm ugly. i'm a flirter. i'm a bitch. i act alot. this list can go on and on. but do you actually admit all this to yourself? or do you ever realize it by youself? i bet you. most of us dont. but you got to admit this someday or another i tell you.
so who do i actually trust. honestly only ashraf and syukri. why there is no girls and why only guys you all may ask? so what they are guys i tell you. they respect me in person. they are two of the special people that have make me realized alot and that makes them the two trusted people in my life. and i would always remember them till eternity.
so which friends of yours are honesly true to you. only you have the answer to that question.
4:30 PM