4:00 PM
harlow my darnly sweets readers(: i miss blogging so much. i'm all alone at home now cause sharin went to his soccer training which is like thank goodness sake at last and my dad hasnt come home from work yet. so i take this oppurtunity to blog and surf.
yesterday was one of my bad day. i quarrelled with my gfs. cause they laugh at things which i dont find it funny and i know it would make people think so lowly of themselves which i dont find it nice at all. whatever. they may say or think i'm childish for being angry over this little things thats got nothing to do with me somehow but i stand still to what i believe in. though i do criticize badly on people and laugh at people but never would i laugh to those things that are really close and mean alot to me. everything has its limits.
then something personal happpened. its about my family stuff at all. i just dont want to really wanna say it here cause it is totally a VERY long story. i know i repeat these thing alot of time but i just wanna say it all loud again. I REALLY DESPISE MY DAD!!!
anyway, went acs barker rd auditorium yesterday for arts night rehearsal. wow. they are like so freaking rich. their school even got a swimming pool of their own which is like i envy though i hate swimming. "-_-" and their canteen is not like any ordinary canteen like any of a neighbourhood school. sigh. they are really lucky to get all this.
i've been busy for the past two weeks and would be more busy till the arts night ends which is like till next sunday. havent been meeting him for the past 2 weeks. yup. some of my pals like freak wheni told them that cause they said if they were me, they cant stand it any longer. honestly, i dont really mind about it cause it have been quite some time so i'm like getting used to it already. going to macritchie reservoir for battlefield this saturday. i know its gonna be fun like last year. but luckily, this time around, i doesnt need to fast anymore(:
i gotta go. good evening peeps.
4:30 PM
just now was one of my best day of my life. i laughed so much when i'm with my ever super pals. and they are juline and sume of course. we went ps for some mini shopping. sume wanted to buy a some sort of high class dressing for the arts night while juline wanted to buy present for someone's birthday. i saw this dress at this fashion, that is so freaking nice. i really take a very good look at it like four times. haha. juline prefer it black while i prefer it brown. and i just noticed that juline and i have the same fashion style. and i'm happy about it(:
anyway, yesterday i cried during the rehearsal for awhile when hafizhan talked about someone. yup. he made me feel really guilty. though i've move on about it but just making me feel bad about hurting him and all last time, doesnt mean that the guilty that i felt would just go away like that. honestly its not my intention to hurt him. in other way, i hurt myself too. i hurt myself even more than i hurt him, dont he know that. sigh. whats the use of talking about it when the past would just remain the same.
nothing to blog anymore. ciaoz.
7:30 PM
my day is tiring today. there's a rehearsal for arts night just now. and yup. i'm totally tired and sleepy from all that right now. i force myself into updating this since i've been busy for the past few days and weeks and i miss blogging even much more now.
btw i got two new friends in school. YEAH! (:
tommorrow, i will be going out with sumedhaa and juline. yup. been a long time since i've went out with them and i miss juline. its been awhile since i've really have a deep and lame conversation with juline and i miss teasing her.
i wanna sleep now. i'm tired. toodles.
11:35 PM
school is tiring just now. my class embarrasing moment was during recess. i bet you the whole school saw us especially the upper sec but i'm like dont care. haha.
tons of homework to be done. some are just those homework that i havent even pass them up even though the deadline are so way over. haha. okay. i know i'm lazy and couldnt be bothered with them. =)
maths test tommorrow. i know i'm not gonna do well this time around cause i'm not really good at that topic and its so troublesome. i hate them. but i got no choice but to study them. -_-
gotta go. those things have to be done now.
5:15 PM
i'm totally bored right now. this may be a short entry. i mean totally maybe. anyway, i took a courage and write my sweetie a testi in friendster. he have been waiting for it for quite some time honestly. haha. i'm totally embarrased in case his friends read it which i know they would and when they saw me with him in public, their face expression may change and they would like tease us and by then, i would give them this look of mine like "please, go away." without saying it, if you all readers know what i mean. haha. okay. whatever with it.
i'm not going out with my friends or my family today. for anyone who i have lied about that, i'm so sorry. its either i'm just lazy or i just dont wish to go out cause i've been constantly going out this week. i just want to dread at home and rot. woohoo. -_-
PS: DO ADD ME IN MSN;
tragic-ending@hotmail.com.
thank you(:
2:30 PM
i just came back from esplanade. my legs are aching now. i went there with one of my adorable girlfriends, zubaidah. she just wanna hang out there and we talked about alot of stuff. but before that, i went bugis to accompany her with this 2 boring guys ever. she was having a "date" with one of the guy. i know i'm like so busybody but she forced me into going there and that guy also bring along one of his friend. for your info, i know both of the guys cause they are like from the same school with me and i saw them before. i wont mention their name .
anyway, i saw jordan at the padang. wow. he's like so tall. no longer cute like i used to see him. haha. okay. honestly, zubaidah is like so surprised that i'm still in touch with one of my ex-bf after nearly 1 year that we have not contact each other. both of us are like so totally good pals now. i no longer hold any feelings towards him and would never fall for him again. its like duh. friends are much more better between us cause i'm like with someone else right now. but its been long since i saw him and i really glad that i got the chance to see him after that long. im just really miss my primary school peeps. they rawks my life somehow. sigh.
thats all for today. ciaoz.
8:00 PM
my favourite drama at suria had just ended. i get to see my idol. as usual, its fauzie laily. he's still looks so cute with the thick make up that was applied on him. haha. and i come here to blog since i got nothing left to do while waiting for his texts.
met up with my sweetie just now. he cant make it for tommorrow so he change it to today. luckily he texted me in the morning while i was reading this book about teenagers and stuff that was related to it. cause i REALLY take my time into getting ready especially if im going out with him cause i have to pick certain type of clothing that really suits me and to his liking. haha. well, spent about 4 hours with him just now and was like pretty short cause time past by so fast when you're with someone special. do you all think so? haha. i was having my moodswings just now. gosh. the earlier part when i was with him, i went all quiet and it worries him ALOT i know. he kept asking me why i was feeling them and i told him that my period is coming. well, i hope it is or else he thought that i'm just lying to him.
ps: i'm really open to talk with guys that is curious about all this. i'm neutral to it (:
then we went esplanade, i was more into myself somehow. and we did our usual stuff. haha. thats our secret. but its not a secret to some anymore cause most of my close pals knows about it as some of them are busybodies. haha. then i have to rush back home cause i promised my mum to go home at 8 plus. but i was late by an hour though. haha. i just <33333333333 my mum WAY better than my dad. except for the part when she is old-fashioned on clothes and her constant reminder on stuff. but overall, she's totally my everything. i just love her more than anything else. no one could replaced her. not even my sweetie.
she did a GREAT favour for me. she lied to my dad that she knows that i'm going out today when my dad called her. honestly, she didnt even know anything about this. i told you readers that this is a last minute plan. and even she, cant stand my own dad's nagging. it is worst if i'm the one who is hearing it cause i'm a short-tempered person as you readers knows it. everytime i'm at my front gate after a day night out with my sweetie, he would repeat himself and said that i'm not allowed to go out anymore or whatsoever. PLEASE! can you stop being bias. i didnt went out for the past 10 days and i even went home way earlier than my brother everytime i'm out. and i didnt even asked any of you for money did i? i never believed of asking my parents for money when i'm going out cause they never ask me to go out in the first place unless i really need the money in which i would tell them way ealier that i'm going out before the day itself and i know my mum is the one who will always give me the money when i need it and not my dad. i'm actually happy that i'm not using his money :D
he really doesnt understand me. fine. some may say he really care about me but can he just give me some freedom that i need. he cant expect me to stay at home all day right without doing nothing useful? even though he wanted me to do ALL the chores at home, but i'm still so lazy cause everybody is so lazy at home except for my mum when she's off from work. whats the use of me doing the chores when he doesnt even compliment or say anything nice when i got the mood to clean. whats the use of me studying hard when it doesnt make any difference to him that im still a lazy & useless lady just because i didnt clean up the house that normally a lady would do. im just sick of it. the feeling sucks. he thinks that guys are more superior than girls. i think he should think about it again. hello? the world is changing. cant you see it?
i shall stop here for now. i'm not in my best mood i guess. good night peeps.
11:30 PM
how do my lovely readers find about this new skin of mine. at last, i'm done with the scroll bar. honestly, it took me a long time to really fix it cause its pretty hard. maybe later or sooner, i would most probably become one of the frequent blog designer in blogskins one day. haha. but i'm just lazy to really create it for other blog users to use any of my skin creation. guess i'm just selfish to design it for them. =p
went to esplanade then bugis with my awesome three pals. they are my sweet girlfriends of course. i've totally have fun with them especially when it comes window-shopping for clothes. i realized that nabillah have a deep craving for shades and perfume, while nura craves for watches and zubaidah craves for bags. well for me, i totally have this liking for shoes especially those high heel shoes. yup. shockly, i just love them cause they looks so cute (:
i just love all my adorable 6 girlfriends. i shall mention who. nabillah, kayathrie [till now, i doesnt know know to spell her name correctly. LOL!], nura, zubaidah and mable. they rawks my life even more now. i wont be what i am right now if not because of them.
and not forgetting to those friends that have been supporting me all along. i still havent forget you guys and girls. from my secondary school friends back to my primary school friends. i just <3333333 you all alot.
well, thats all for today. i'm hungry right now. zooooooommmmmmm.
6:15 PM
Pretty Girl [the way] - Sugarcult
Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out what his intentions were about
Bridge: x2
That's what you get for falling again
You can never get them out of your head
Chorus:
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
She's beautiful as usual with bruises on her ego and
Her killer instinct tells her to be aware of evil men
Bridge: x2
And that's what you get for falling again
You can never get them out of your head
Chorus:
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Chorus:
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love
Pretty girl, Pretty girl
Pretty girl is suffering, while he confesses everything
Pretty soon she'll figure out
You can never get them out of your head
Chorus:
It's the way
That he makes you cry
It's the way
That he in your mind
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Chorus:
It's the way
That he makes you feel
It's the way
That he kisses you
It's the way
That he makes you fall in love
Love
6:00 PM
i have a sudden urge to change my skin. i envy those blogs which is totally simple while my blog is like so errrr. nice??? wth. but i know i would miss those skins that uses brushes. damn. its hard to decide. but i think i should change it to simple once in awhile. honestly, i'm getting bored with this skin and even the song right now. XD
anyway, it took me nearly 3 hours to edit this new skin of mine. i'm totally PROUD of it. this is the first ever skin that i've edit so much for the past 2 years plus that i've been blogging. WOOHOOO!!!
not meeting him after rehearsal. last minute cancelled due that he finish school at 5pm. and its late. gonna wait till thursday then. ):
off for supper then. i'm hungry.
11:00 PM
i love watching this video clip over and over again. even though i dont understand a word the singer is singing, but i know its a love song. it makes me reminisce back to someone that i used to love. i dreamt of him last night for unknown reason. i'm just glad that i've experience the "love" when i'm with him then. to me, we still have that "chemistry" up till now everytime we're close but sadly, we do not want to take those "chemistry" up again to another level cause we dont wish to complicate our life and friendship again. i'm not sad or anything like that. i'm just happy thinking back about him. he do makes my life worthwhile during that period of time. i admit that he makes me real happy & i truly treasure him :)
enough said. i still <333 my sweetie.
anyway, leadership training was somehow effective to me just now. perhaps i was totally giving them my full attention. i was holding back my tears at a point of time cause it really open myself up even more with what the speaker was talking. and also, i got new friend. woohoo. she's seems nice. talk to her about her class and all but for awhile. most importantly, i've learnt something about life in that training too. it touches me deep inside.
7:31 PM
silence surrounds me now. i'm all alone at home. all i could hear is the melody of my favourite slow song. it relaxes me more after a long day of school. it is as though i am lying on my bed, while thinking about him and nothing would disturb me.
i know i'm talking craps right now. as usual, school is BORING. nothing so special happen today. nothing bad happen to me either. but i just realized it today that the greatest thing is that i am well known among the teachers that teaches me. sharina here, sharina there. i'm surprised that they even remember my name. okay. i truly appreciate them :)
went home with haris just now. let me get this straight to those who does not know me well enough. he's just a friend of mine. i admit he still likes me till now but i dont have any feelings towards him. it have been 3 years now and my feelings towards him have never change. i do not have and will not have, any feelings towards him.
btw overall, i failed my maths, combined science and humanities. oh great. i failed 3 subjects. but at least, i did better than my brother. okay. but still, i'm not satisfied with it. fine. fine. nothing that i do now can change those marks.
off to bed. i'm tired. toodles'
2:30 PM
yeah. finally, i'm home. *screams* i've just done with my enough and a relaxing sleep where no one could rush me to wake up for such a lame reason. i got back during noon just now. right now, sharin is sleeping and i'm taking this chance to surf the net and blog and everything (:
camp was somehow fun and BORING too. i just like most of the activities that they held there but other than that, the others were a total failure. i dont even miss that camp honestly. i expected it to be better but it just that there was something missing out of it. the campfire was nothing. i'm just neutral to it and the irony thing is that i've always been looking forward for the campfire night for every camp. the rooms was okay. nothing special or anything less than that. the food was alright. the trainers was quite great especially mine. my group favourite word was, "oh. make fun.." that was funny i think. i do find one trainer cute but instead he asked a friend of mine her number. okay. okay. i'm not jealous. really. i'm not. *rolls my eyes*
both of my arms and my back are aching still. i gonna ask mum to massage for me when she got back from work. i think the rock climbing wasnt just a sport for me. i thought it was fun to do it but i was wrong again. flying fox was thrilling. the tip was really scary and i did scold a vulgar word when it swings me. no wonder, i dont like to ride on a roller coaster. kayaking was tiring and quite fun. sorry mable if i'm like sucks at it *looks down* and my skin is getting darker due to that. damn. the sun block lotion doesnt help. *storm all over* sigh. anyway, i'm not afraid of height which i used thought i am. but till now, i dont know whats my weaknesses and strength. honestly, the camp wasnt much in help finding out them to me.
tommorrow, school starting again. homeworks, havent even touch. i'm dead. i'm really tired. i dont want to do them. but do i have any chance? i think most of my friend are not coming to school due to "sick" cause they kept asking me whether i'm going tommorrow. i know my mum not gonna allows me to stay at home even though she pampers me alot. study means study she said. so eventually, i've to go.
i gotta go now. i'm just bored. toodles`
5:30 PM
i went home early yesterday. by 9pm, im already home. then i saw my parents and my nephew at the lif cause they went out to eat dinner so you can say that i went home with them. my mum like threaten me yesterday morning, saying that if i go home late again, i wont be allowed to go out anymore. and thats mean she wont give me any extra money i need.
he rawks my life. woo. thanks for all those things you told me that make me realised so much. i really appreciate what you have done. i know i dont show that enough concern and attention on you that much but i will try my best to change that. you mean alot to me. and dont worry, i love you more than anything else (:
put all this mushy things aside for now.
tommorrow is the camp. gosh. i havent even start packing for it. some people would say the camp would be boring while others would say i cant wait for it. so whats mine? let me think. i guess i've still cant decide on it.
boredom conquered me now. off i go.
10:30 AM
i just hate relationships.
boy meets girl.
they fall in love.
they spent equality time together.
and live happily ever after.
nonsense.
they are just craps.
bullshit.
i'm not perfect.
i've been deeply hurt once.
i cannot live my life the same way as i used to be.
you wont understand the hurt i went through.
you have never felt the pain when the person you love the most leaves you.
and i cant never love someone like i used to be.
i've experienced the worst of life at a such young age.
i never believe everything has a good ending.
ever since that day, i'm more prepared with negative thoughts in my mind.
all you wish is to be with me.
but we may not last long thats what i feel.
and i know those things hurt you deep inside.
but i rather make you see the real world, the realities of life.
than just see the world with only your thoughts and beliefs.
it have been 5 months since that day ):
1:20 PM
it have been awhile since i've blog. yup. i know i kept on saying the same sentence over and over again each time i blog here cause i would only blog twice or thrice per week in a row and hocus pocus, i leave this blog un-updated. sorry for those who wanted to read new entry cause i didnt always get the chance to do it during the weekdays for some common reason as always as you readers knows it ):
anyway, this week to me, sucks somehow. i get to know my result for most of my papers. as usual, i would never be happy for it. FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I FAILED SO MANY SUBJECTS! damn. i cried on the day when my class get our social studies and history papers back and luckily only dalvyn saw it. thanks for consoling me even though it doesnt help me that much. i did so badly honestly. i dissapoint everyone around me.
let me straigten this out, altogether i failed my combined humanities and combined science. while english and maths just by few marks, i would pass. i'm not gonna do well as i'm expected to. life has never be cruel than this.
but i just stopped crying after 5 mins i get those papers back during my social studies lesson. XD
btw happy birthday to kelly and chiok weh cause their birthday is like today and tommorrow. sorry that i cant make it to both of your birthday party cause i'm like busy with other stuffs that i've been planning for awhile. but i just hope that both of you will enjoy your birthday and will never forget these day in your life.
i got to go. i'm sleepy now. off to bed.
11:30 PM