i've been running alot back to the past.

i'm hearing songs that reminds me of aeris and that fucked up guy. i dont even know why i'm doing all this. the fucked up guy was the sweetest memories i had but sadly, he make it such a bad memory to think about though the pain doesnt hurt me any longer whereas for aeries, i'm totally dissapointed with myself cause whatever things i did to him, is all the things that the fucked up guy did to me then. yeah. its in the karma thingy. even though i saw him with another girl and it hurts me so bad to see them together, i still blame myself for hurting him. i cant forgive myself till he make friends with me back.

i know i'm thinking too much.

anyway, elmo and i quarrelled again over the same matter yesterday. seriously. i'm tired of talking and defending myself about the same thing over and over again. my dear, you're my only one and no one else matters. [:

If Only You Know
4:42 PM

the first thought that came on my mind. how could i dream about him of all guys.

yeah. its true that i dreamt about that fucked up guy and anis have to tell me that she saw him last thursday. she's like saying he's hot. girl, i know it all. but i remembered roughly this conversation that i had with him in my dream just now.

we were holding hands, facing each other while waiting for some friends who i dont even know who, to buy drinks. we were just finish watching elmo playing soccer and he's there to accompany me or something;

me: i thought someone doesnt want to talk to me anymore.
him: no. it's you who doesnt want to talk to me.
me: then why are you holding my hand?
him: cause i just wanna hold your hand. any wrong with that?

then i let go off my hand and told him about me having a bf. soon, i saw elmo and i walked with him. leaving that fucked up guy and the friends behind and thats it.

anyway, the conversation was in malay.

i went into his friendster, just to check his pictures just now. i dont see myself anymore, nearly break down and cry like i used to do, exactly 52 days ago. honestly, i miss hanging out with him. those times where i called him "sepet" and he called me "duck". those late night calls with him. those wake up calls early in the morning i gave him during the holidays. the smell of his perfume when i sniffed his shirt. the one time where we were holding hand and i let go of mine and he asked me why but i just shook my head. the intimate kisses that he gave me. okay. this is too much info for you peeps to take in. wakakaka. XD

i cant wait till i'm 17 cause firstly, i will change the url of my blog which i thought off when i was sec one and its totally not me now. secondly, i wont be using blogger anymore and most probably, i will be using xanga or something like that.

i'll be going out later. meeting elmo. [:
nothing much to say now. off i go.

If Only You Know
8:43 AM

i'm bored. i was not given a choice to update partly because i'm lazy to do so.

i stayed home the whole day and changed my friendster skin. not in the mood to change this blog skin cause i really need to devote my time to do so which in this case, i'm totally not into it currently.

seeing more of aeris, making me feel more sad & guilty over the matter. though its been 3 weeks that have passed, he still hasnt talk to me nor contacted me back. honestly each time, i'm near him, he never actually smile at me anymore and i truly miss that part of him. sigh. i shouldnt think about it but the guilt seems not to go away everytime i tried to ignore those thoughts of me, hurting him then.

anyway, i'll be going out tomorrow. meeting elmo. yeah. he's all over life now [:

If Only You Know
8:43 PM

i'm happy [:

cause i'm getting a new comp in the afternoon and for some reason, i really love my life now. though i still got this minor problem with aeris. he still dont want to reply my msg. sigh.

whatever about it.
i'm updating soon.

If Only You Know
12:45 PM

i got less than 10 mins to blog cause i got another lesson to go. english is the next lesson for the day but i still got my IRP later on. hahas.

anyway, i'm with him for exactly one week today. didnt went school with him nor i cant go home with him later. how sad. never mind. there's always tommorrow.

friday is my school concert band at the Singapore Conference Hall. i cant wait for it cause i get to spent my time with him. yeah. yeah. its everything about him now. hahas.

i gotta go.
my time is up.

If Only You Know
1:32 PM

i'm very happy with my life. partly, because yesterday was my 3rd month being single. and secondly, i just get attached to someone. =D

anw, i went to kallang stadium to watch the match singapore VS thailand. it was fun cause i went with 7 guys and i'm the only girl and i get to spend most of my time with him without those 7 guys and he sent me home again. awww..

i'm sorry and truly sorry for those guys that are waiting for me or my anwer to your question. honestly, you guys deserve someone better. i feel bad partly because i gave you guys hope somehow. sigh.

thats all.
more update when i have the time.

If Only You Know
12:50 PM