at last. went home that EARLY with sumedhaa today. been going home late for these two weeks but before we went home, we eat a SMALL lunch before we go on our seperate direction home cause she's taking the mrt while i'm taking the bus. so you peeps can guess. i'm alone again. yup. waiting for the bus while hearing the discman. so whats up with my discman lately. been hearing them everytime i went school, during science lessons, after school and going back home. ok. you peeps may say i'm showing off and all. but i'm not. really. aniway discman is kinda OLD-TREND already i know. but whatever. honestly, i'm bored actually. only songs now can entertain me these few days. thats why i kept hearing them. X)
i didnt feel that bored inside the bus cause i saw this guy who i am some sort of just met last few months ago. seat besides him inside the bus cause he asked me too. ok. dont let your imagination run wild this time around. this guy is just my FRIEND. really. he's just a friend. he has a gf which is one of nabillah's friends. so dont think negatively right now. and even nabillah knows him. so whatever with that guy.
aniway, i left with chapter 14 & 15 for science. WOOHOO!! I"M HAPPY! ok. you may be curious that i still havent finish my science revision till now. i actually took my time to complete it all. as i USED to hate science, i got to catch up with the things that i missed. sigh.
exam is coming like 5 more days. omg. time is flying by so fast. and fasting is happening just next week. i'm not sure whether on tuesday or wednesday. AAAAARRRR! i'm stress. actually i'm NOT that stress. i'm just thinking too much. X)
i starting to get addicted to MATINYA SEBAHAGIAN JIWA or PART OF THE HEART IS DEAD. omg. i LOVE this song. the lyrics is so that touching. the starting of the song is like an oldies song but when it comes to its verse, its totally nice. omg. the lyric is in the earlier post before this post. sorry to non-malay speaking peeps. the lyric is in malay. i got no time to translates it today. sorry, i cant find the song yet though. shall put it here when i found it. omg. XD
ending here. ciaoz peeps. i'm tired. have a good day. =)
7:15 AM
Matinya Sebahagian Jiwa
Verse
Kau,
Bagai bulan yang terang bersinar
Dikala gelap malam keseorangan.
Kau,
Pergi bersama satu impian
Yang lama diimpikan tak kesampaian.
Ku,
Mengambarkan indahnya lukisan
Yang rupanya khayalan kau rasakan.
Ku,
Jauh hilang ke dalam impian
Dan di awang-awangan tiada pedoman.
Kau,
Bagai bulan yang terang bersinar
Dikala gelap malam keseorangan.
Kau,
Pergi bersama satu impian
Yang lama diimpikan tak kesampaian.
Bridge x2
Terduduk sendiri
Menanggung menanti
Kasih sayang telah pergi.
Kasih sayang telah pergi.
Sakitnya jiwaku
Sungguh tak ku sangka
Sekarang sudah hilang punca
Bagaimana kau yang ku kenal dulu
Telah berubah sama sekali
Berikan ku arah tuju
Bridge x5
Oh sakitnya jiwaku
Aku tidak tahu
Arah nak dituju
Kau yang ku kenal dulu
Rupanya begitu.
Kini tak menentu
Oh sakitnya jiwaku
Aku tidak tahu
Arah nak dituju
Aku kan kembali juga semula
Ke tempat yang asal dengan semangat
Yang waja untuk menempuh halangan
Untuk menerangkan perjuangan
Kau yang ku kenal dulu
Rupanya begitu.
Kini tak menentu
Bridge
Oh sakitnya jiwaku
Aku tidak tahu
Arah nak dituju
Kau yang ku kenal dulu
Rupanya begitu.
Kini tak menentu
Oh..
7:00 AM
hearing the disman inside the bus in a corner. alone. with no one beside me. no one.
feeling bored. looking outside the window. hoping to stop reminiscent. those memories and places. its all still the same. the memories still lingers in my mind seems like it happen just yesterday.
my clothes was drenched. due to that running under the rain to make it to the bus stop. it makes me feel more sad when i walked in the rain.
i was feeling cold. i was shivering inside. but theres no one to make me warm. no one to accompany me to talk. no one to entertain me. all i have to do is to keep myself in silent.
i miss all those times. i didnt realized it was there. i didnt. i've change. but the situation is repeating. its still the same thing.
i miss you. i really miss you. =(
i thought it was all a nightmare. i couldnt believe it was true. i'm imagining things. but I"M NOT!
1:30 PM
sorry peeps. didnt update yesterday. i was kinda frustrated with my dad AGAIN. i mean thanks to him, i only use the comp once yesterday. i was angry with him during evening. just because i didnt closed the SWICH OF THE RICE COOKER. how lame can it be. i didnt know it was ON ok. i really didnt know. or should i say i'm absent minded that i forgotten to switch it OFF. i was busy scolding the two kids about the mess they make at the living room and they would complain it all to my mum by calling her each time i "bullied" them and i was busy with my homework and revision stuff. its not that i have a free time here. I'M STRESS didnt he know. and now HE'S MAKING MY MOOD WORSER. great. its just great. nothing could be better. i was so fed up that i cooped myself up in my room till night. didnt eat my dinner and all. till my mum came home and then i opened the door.
i was that angry that i CRIED so much yesterday. and to make the matter worst, i was still guilty to say something wrong to him on last fridae. i didnt mean it to say. really. i dont know what came over me and just let my anger out. and after saying all that to him, i starting to regret. regretted to show my anger out. since he didnt reply me, i cried till i fell asleep.
ok. let me straighten this out. i was ANGRY since last friday. i was not in my mood. i try to chill. as you know i'm kinda have a short term memory, i would always be okay by the next day. and i'm that okay yesterday til my dad criticized me and all. i was hearing to the MCR cd when i was angry at him and cried my heart out. and then suddenly, i felt all that sleepy. so i SLEPT 7.30pm till 11.45pm. and wake up for awhile and went to sleep back at 12am till 5am. so sorry to mahzuz that i didnt reply to your msg yesterday night. i was sleeping ok. really. my mum was so shocked that i slept so long. yup. due to the tiredness of crying, i NEED to sleep that long to recover my lost of energy of crying. XD
anyway, thanks to all the crying, i have flu today. great. i hate flu. AAAARG!! i'm kinda okay now i think. aniway, the second time when i slept, i have a dream. i was shocked when i woken up this morning. from all the dream i could have, WHY must i dream of him. WHY!!! its not that he's someone important to me ANYMORE. and since that dream, the whole day today, i kept thinking about him. strange. i thought i've start with the brand new me but then when i think again, i think i've just move on with my life but still hasnt start the new me. i never knew this would happen to me. sigh.
anyway, i'm burning new songs to my cd. hahax. its illegal but so what. i dont care. i'm EVIL!! MUAHAHA!! ok. i need to end here. i'm getting bored writing this post word by word. so ciaoz peeps. take care. and good luck to all for the final year exam esp. to sec 2E's! JIAYOU! in chinese they would say. hahax. XD
9:50 AM
well, went home with ashraf and mahzuz at 4.09 pm.
changed my skin at last. well, its kinda simple. sigh.
to MABLE, i dont mind you're being so close to him. i'm not jealous. really. i'm not. but i got to admit that i USED to be jealous of you both. it was last time ok. but since that day, i told myself not to think so much about it and be happy day by day. its normal that you both are so close. honestly, i'm not jealous. no need to say sorry to me so many times. its not your fault nor his fault i know. and btw, i went to school late this morning. i went with one of my friend today. and nabillah saw me and my friend at the bus-stop. i'm not in that mood these few days. i dont know why. so i may say hi to you but not that cheerful way anymore. so sorry about that. and i got talked to you during recess just now. you see i'm okay. really. i'm that okay. dont worry.
i know you dont care about me. i'm not that special in your life. keep giving you heart-aches. but i dont know why i cant stop being so concern about you. it hurts me in the inside. but i never show how i really feels. you know how hurt i am. the pain that i hides. you think i want all this happen this way. i'm tired i say. i'm tired of crying. i'm sick of everything. sigh.
i gtg now. ciaoz peeps. good nite.
12:00 PM
ok. for the FIRST for this whole week that i've posting a post quite late. i should be sleeping by this time but i took a nap just now at around 6.30pm. and woken up at 7.30pm. been long since i've slept in the evening. yup. mdm kartini once told us during malay lessons that its not good to sleep in the evening cause you will seem to get angry at the slightest thing when you wake up. hm.
aniway, to HAIQAL, FAUZIE doesnt sucks. nor he's face looks retarded. yup. HE'S WAY CUTER THAN YOU. get it!! WAY CUTER. you're just jealous like the latest post you wrote. i "dont know" who you writing to or hinting to but can you stop criticizing him. CAN YOU? its kinda irritating you know to hear peeps ard me esp. you to keep on criticizing him. i'm TRYING my best to stop calling you "pendek" and if this criticism continues, i shall continue-ing disturbing you with that name. XD.
my pimple is becoming smaller each day by day. YEAH!
i gotta end here. its getting late now. have a good nite.
1:50 PM
yup. been busy since just now downloading songs for julie cause she asked me to burn some songs for her. songs that sung by hilary duff, kelly clarkson and lindsay lohan. ok. i got to admit that SOME of lindsay lohan's songs. not all though. are kinda nice. quite nice. but to chiok weh, I'M STILL WAY PREFER HILARY DUFF THAN LINDSAY LOHAN. XD. shall give julie the cd on fridae cause i forgotten to buy blank cd just now. sorry julie. X(
no more hating that girl. i mean i may dislike her and all but she's still a friend of mine. so what she hates me. no one is that perfect. i forgotten all about that yesterday. you cant make everyone likes you. ok. i'm being suce a hypocrite yesterday. sorry.
aniway, i still haven pass up my labelling thingy. i'm way lazy to complete. but i need some motivation cause i going to pass up the labelling with jason tommorrow. no more delays. omg. i'm slacking again. X(
my pimple is now way better. its more obvious that it is a PIMPLE. becoming smaller and not black in colour anymore. i think due to my "secret formula". its covering my pimple and forming a layer onto it. omg. but i'm like YEAH! its gone soon. XD
ok. i gotta go now. need to finish my eng hwk, art and my labelling thingy. have a sweet dreams. good nite.
11:30 AM
before i starting to blabbing about my day, i would put my idol picture first in here cause i've been forgetting to put. see that guy above. his name is fauzie. omg. he's so cute right. omg. i really love my idol guy. really love him. ok. fine. i lied. i mean like a fan and celebrity love. not the love the in love thingy. he's in the top four in anugerah. AAAAAARRR!!! anugerah is like the talent quest in my school, like the superstar in the channel U and some sort like the singapore idol but abit low-graded. HE'S SO CUTE, COOL, HOT, HIP AND HAPPENNING. ok. i'm like way exaggerating. but so what. hahax. XD. I LOVE FAUZIE!! I LOVE FAUZIE! but he's has a gf and he's way older than me. but hey, i love older mens. hahax. XD. i'm like so. i dont care. its not that i have a crush on him or something. he's just so cute. XD moonz and shuk keeps like critising him. hey, its not fair to him ok. XD
today went home late. actually, i've just finish bathing and changed into my home clothes. go and watch the soccer inter-house. kinda boring i think. hahax. no offence. RUSHMORE WIN! yup. but i'm not that happy. feel sad for him that his house lost. X(
it seems as if my pimple is like growing smaller. YEAH! i cant wait for it to go away. some peeps thought that i go and pierce there. pls. i've still havent pierce my ear and you expect me to pierce there. ok. i lied. i pierced my ear once and the ear-hole have close and i just hate wearing earrings. its so uncomfortable. XD
aniway, thanks to that girl, i'm not in my mood today. to that girl, you think i like you. pls. stop imagining that peeps ard you love you. cause they are not. stop it. i cant stand it. you better think carefully whether the peeps that you hang-out with right now really likes you. i bet that they dont either. but they are force into hanging out with you. you think you're so beautiful. pls. stop thinking aboput that. cause honestly, you're not. you're still a KID to me. just dont act too much. even though i hate you, i still respect you as a person and now i found out that you hate me and left me out without my good pals. HEY! they are my friends. without me, they wont know you. dont act as if you're so that nice. cause you're not. i have enough of your childish games. its so stupid. for god sake, dont wear that specs of YOUR BROTHER'S. it doesnt look good on you. and dont FOLD YOU SKIRT. its so obvious. cheap-skates. you think i'm scare of you. nah. i'm not. you think i'm a coward cause i scold you here. nah. i'm not. i'm just controlling all this emotion when i see you in school. dont mess with me i told you. i've warn you first. its up to you whether to believe what i said. i Can or Will make your reputation bad in school. i mean that bad. you dont know the real me yet. i can be revengeful.
ok. fine. i maybe a flirt. but so. alot of peeps told me that. and you think i care. well, i do care a little. but i'm still like so. at least, i'm WAY better than you. you will only come to us when you dont have friends. pls. such a hypocrite. stop that act of yours. stop as if you dont know anything. you better go and study for EOY of yours. but you will never be better than me in studies cause you're in different stream with me. hahax. stupid. hate this kind of girls. i'm controlling myself not to say vulgar lang. in here and i am right now. thats why i way prefer hanging out with the guys. generally, girls is kinda hypocrite and untrustworthy. no offend to the girls cause i'm myself a girl. X)
btw, its so funny when i heard that this girl broken up with this guy cause this girl found out that this guy has ex. i mean ex-gf. hahax. so funny. this girl like crying when she brking up with this guy and told him that she trusted this guy alot and couldnt believe that this guy is doing it to her. my thoughts was like. ok. maybe this guy two-timer her or what. but when the guy asked her why she wanted to break up in thye first place. then she said that he used to have ex-gf. i mean like what was all that about? it is wrong. its not at all. i was laughing so loud just now in the canteed, hahax. strange. wierd. i didnt know this type of girls would exist. hahax. XD
ok. i still havent pass up my labelling. ok. i'm like lazy to complete it. fine. shall complete it later. well, gonna eat my dinner. good nite peeps.
11:00 AM
been feeling stress and fed-up with 4 things in my life. AAAARG!!! but before i start blabbing in what happen. i got to say something first. its very important.
to julie, i'm sorry to get you involved. really i'm sorry. its not your fault. its totally my fault. sorry that teacher scolded you or should say reprimand us. really sorry. i wanted to say its my fault and not you so that i will get all the blame cause i'm responsible for it. you may not be angry about it but i know how it feels when you get blame for the things that you didnt done. if you're reading this, sincerely, i'm sorry.
aniway, back to the main issue. i'm like totally stress up today. i kept quiet when my peeps played the swing just now and i'm like sitting on the bench thinking about something. my mind was wondering of somewhere else. to a place where the old pains and memories lies deeply in my soul. oh god. i've been thinking too much again. sigh.
firstly, i'm like so fed-up with my pimple. ok. fine. i'm being so lame and vain. but whatever. thanks to it that peeps ard me esp. D, G, Fhan and Fee keep teasing me. its a PIMPLE for god sake. how many times should i repeat it. and it will be the last time i explain it to you guys. it may not be like one nor looks like one but it is. fine. i'm tired of shouting just to explain it to you guys. CANCER. CANCER. i forgot. i wish my face was like few months ago. i used to be pimple free. how great. YEAH!
secondly, i'm so stress up that my home econ the food labelling i still hasnt do and need to pass up tommorrow. omg. i mean i've just cut it. and thats it. thats all i've done. omg. gonna sleep late today. sigh. i wont be having my beauty sleep again. sigh. why cant i have my beauty sleep on the weekdays. why cant i. sigh. i just need it for today. sigh.
thirdly, i'm kinda fed-up with myself. really. why cant i let go of the past. why cant i. it been quite awhile already and yet i still hasnt let go of it. everytime, i thought he's gone from my worry list, i will actually see him somewhere around me. and those things come back to me at the wrong time esp. when i wanted to be happy moment and when i see him, i would suddenly become crazy. i mean i become so crazy. more crazy than usually i feel. but to those peeps ard me, they say its the same but if you see deeply in my eyes, its like crazy wierd. not crazy funny. i dont know whats happening. but when that craziness is gone, i would be sad. or something like that. like as if i got no mood. sigh. i need time. but i got no spare time. sigh.
lastly, actually, i'm not totally stress or fed up with this thing but i dont know why i feel so unhappy about it. its like kinda bothering me much lately. i've been feeling some sort like insecure everytime i see him and her. its as if they are AN ITEM. its like so real that they are together. like i cant believe it with my own eyes. i dont know whether i could believe with what i'm seeing. i mean everytime i see him with her, i would become like kinda sad. i dont know why. sigh. i mean they are classmates. come on, get real you may tell me i know. i've seen them like so close twice these few weeks. and would be chattering to each other for long whenever i see them. i've always see him from afar. i mean from a distant when he talked to his friends. but he never notice it. or i think he never notice what i'm doing that before. sigh. he noticed me that i'm there but he never come and approach me. understand what i'm trying to say here. nvm. just read between the lines and hopefully you will get it and understand. sigh. i know i'm not jealous. I"M NOT JEALOUS! GET IT!! I'M NOT! I'M REALLY NOT! oh ok. or i think i'm not. sigh.
exam is coming like lesser than 2 weeks. oh god. i'm not mentally prepared for it. even though i've like done most of my revision but still i hasnt prepared of all this at all. lit and home econ test tommorrow. omg. gotta revise back. omg. fasting will be ard the corner. oh god. need to fast for one month. i'm lazy. unluckily, we will be fasting during our EOY exam. oh god. thanks alot.
gotta end here. wanna do my home econ labelling thingy. good nite peeps. ciaoz.
10:50 AM
i've done with my home econ revision. wee. i'm so happy cause there's gonna be test on tuesday for home econ and i'm like SO. i've done the notes as i promised ms murni. hahax. XD. and now i'm doing my lit revision. how studious i've become. self-praising here. XD
still havent finish my science revision. fine. i'm like lazy to read chapter 11 about sounds. its like so boring. what. vibration. then about you ear something. AAAARRG!! so boring if i'm read it. i rather read about chpt 5 & 6 on science than chpt 11. get what i mean how boring can it be. try to imagine it. oh boy, i cant.
ok. i'm like so frustrated with my one and only pimple. it been there for about 2 weeks. omg. those two weeks till now, i've been putting my secret formula but still, it hasnt gone. oh god. ok. fine. i know it will be gone one day. dont need to advice me abt that. but may i ask. how long should i wait till its gone. AAAAARRRG!!! i know i'm totally being so VAIN right now but its like my face. i need to take care of it till i'm old. i know that to you peeps its like nothing. its only A pimple. "ONLY A PIMPLE" i may say. its like no to me. i know its like you're still growing up and surely pimple will grow in your face now and then but i just hate the feeling having a pimple in my face. i just hate it.
my perspective of peeps who has pimple esp. girls. i mean girls should take care of them as it is one of main priority to look good and feel good. no offence though. i mean its just my thinking. i mean first looks still counts right. peeps who doesnt know you, will see your face first and then your appearance then the way you behaves. am i right here. i know you cant judge a book by its cover. blah. blah. blah. i know.
1) doesnt shower
2) dont really take care of the face
3) doesnt care of what peeps will say abt you behind your back when they look at you.
i'm just voicing out my opinions. i know i'm being mean but its just the way i think. i'm so straight-forward to peeps that are around me. either you like it or not, i will just say whats on my mind unless you're nice to me. sorry if i've offended anyone. i dont mean it.
gotta end here. nothing to talk anymore. good evening. ciaoz peeps.
9:20 AM
yawn. been feeling sleepy suddenly ever since my fav. korean show has ended. yawn.
to my surprise, my yesterday mood wasnt with me today. i mean those regretted stuff. those past memories. those times. those fakely smile i remembered. i mean if i were the old me, stuff that have been happening to me now would be different. i wont be that so studious. i wont be that happy. i wont be so close with the best peeps. i wont let you into my life and be obessed about you till now. importantly, i wont change myself to be all that i ever want myself to be. X)
i should be happy with what i got. and now, HONESTLY, i'm greatly over-joy. i mean i'm that HAPPY . i wont need to stand during those times when jealousy happen in a situation. i wont need to stand those hurting words he said to when he knew i dont meant it at all. i wont need to accompany him through-out the day even if i wanted to hang-out with my girlfriends. no one would said what i do is wrong. i wont need to listens to what he says anymore. sigh.
aniway. reach home at about 5.25 pm. went home alone in the end. all thanks to kenz. keep CONVINCING me to go back to school after we have lunch at KFC. keep on using your name to sort of forcing me to go back. i was in dilemma in going back early and get to see you. but ironicly, in the end, i listened to him. omg. =X
just because he want to see her, i got to follow him everywhere he went cause or else i will be alone. AAARG!! didnt actually studied when i went inside the library. instead i was reading about a dating book. hahax. and kenz couldnt study cause i keep on showing him att the stuff the writer wrote in there. see here. true sia. its good for you. see there. she wrote so nonsense. hahax. see what i mean. but i love the part where she wrote the tips about flirting do's and dont's. hahax. only kenz would know this. hahax. X)
then the 2e1 peeps wanted to go KFC then i told them that i've just went there and i wanna go home cause after that i wanna go out. and kenz said please lah. go lah. buy water only. still stubbornly i said no. then he so bad. say bye to me only. dont want to pei me home. HMPH! because of her, you become so. i dont know how to explain with one word. never mind. hahax.
actually, i'm supposed to go out. BUT i was lazy. my sis keep forcing me to go but i dont want i tell her. i feel so darnly tired. i dont know why. sigh. yawn.
i wanna end here. i wanna have my good night sleep. it been a week since i have one. hahax. ciaoz. good nite peeps. take care during the weekends.
11:50 AM
i'm not in the mood to blog suddenly. all because of him. to him, if you're reading this, i miss you. its true. i cant deny it anymore. its hard for me to keep all in the inside. i want to let it all out. sigh. read this lyric. it remind of you so much. i cant stop wondering abt the past. those memories. those times. how long will it takes me to end all this wondering? why cant i move on with my life? why cant i let go of them? WHY? can anyone tell me? sigh.
Because Of You
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Chorus
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me
but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Chorus
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me
but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Chorus
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
9:10 AM
been quite long since i've updated here. been busy with remedial, staying back in school with the best peeps ever, self-studying in school, meetings, appointments and DATE. ok. fine. i lied. cancel the date part for me.
aniway, went home about 5 with ashraf just now. and waited for the bus alone. sad. nah. i'm used to it. i find it rather good to be alone cause at least, you wont have to talk so much. be quiet for awhile. be serious in life. you cant joke for the whole of your life you know. i've been more matured. i mean really. you should think about the future for once. whats happening around you. whats your real problem and overcome it. change to be better. dont be sad for trivial things. sigh.
thanks to tyh, d, mich and some of the peeps in my class. thanks for sabo-ing me yesterday. thanks so much. now ms murni know. but luckily mdm tong didnt know. she was about to know but just in time, the bell rang. i think luck is on me during that moment. or else i will die of embarassment in class. hahax. XD.
i'm happy with what mdm tong told me and some of the peeps. i have improved with most of my subjects. yup. i mean i did badly during my mid-year. that bad i say. i cant imagine i could dropped all my marks in most of the subjects. besides malay. i told you peeps that i'm gonna do well this time. and i mean it this time ard.
btw, i started to like SCIENCE these few days. eversince, i've started to listen to what ms lim said in class and the motivation that peeps are giving me right now esp. shuk, i starting to concentrate on my science even more. i'm shocked that i'm being so studious everyday. i mean i may stay-back in school for quite long for fun and doing nothing useful but you need the time to really chill out with your friends. and find out updated news abt them and rumours in school. hahax. i mean for real here. i'm not kidding.
i mean i should stop here for now. end of blogging. i'm bored now. good nite to all.
10:50 AM
i dont wan to go. i really dont want to go. but i got no choice.
ok. enough of my nonsense and tell you guys what happen.
i mean only for GUYS. hahax. XD. kidding. i'm not biased.
really this is what gonna heppen.
my mum is forcing me to go to my sister-in-law uncle's marriage. phew. what a long one.
wanted to study actually. really. thats what my intention to do this noon.
well, its not totally my whole reason. i may say. fine. i'm some sort of lazy to go.
need to wear baju kurung. and being a lady when i wear it. i mean its so freaking hot out there. and its not so comfortable.
and my science is STILL on chapter 6 but finishing about that topic. i need at least two day to actually finish my science chapters. fine. at least more than two days i know. but at least i would finish the digusting gross topic.
but if i go, i going to cut my hair. i mean i'm cutting it today. not tommorrow. postphoning it cause my sis cant make iit tomorrow. so it means that i got at least one day to do my self-study tomorrow. yeah!
ok. at least one of my wish would come true. so i shall go. but what baju kurung i'm wearing. i mean there's nothing new baju kurung for me. it was a last min arrangement that i'm going. haiz.
well, gotta end. gonna change. will be going after my mum finish praying. yup. i should be praying. but i'm here blogging. i'm bad i know. good noon to all dudes and dudettes.
4:30 AM
i've change the skin and song at last. since i've promised guys that i'm going change it todae.
helped mahzuz with his blog. change the skin for him. if you guys have the time, check out his new blog. and dont forget to tag his board. yup. now, he's asking me for help cause the font of his entries is tiny. dont know what happen. hopefully i can help him out.
change the song to melompat lebih tinggi due to mahzuz wanted that song in my blog. it make no sense as my blog theme is like love and all. but whatever. its my blog. i dont need your remarks. keep that comment to yourself for now.
hahax. XD.
well, gonna cut my hair on sunday. hahax. cutting at tampines. hahax. cant wait for my new hairstyle. buying a new bag maybe. either i'm buying a new bag or a new school shoe. which one should i choose first. hm. maybe the bag i should buy first. hahax.
yup. i'm happy again. dont want to let things make me sad anymore. dont want to be so emotional in my blog. shouldnt take things seriously for now. at least for now. cause exam is coming.
should think about eoy[end-of year] first. they are more important. but today the whole day, i didnt study at all. i mean i've study nothing. didnt do any of my revision and school is starting in 3 days. so fast time flying. hm.
well, gonna end here. gotta help mahzuz with his blog. so ciaoz peeps and gud nite!
12:15 PM
things that i do for the whole day today.
wake up early to use the computer.
msg shukri for awhile then went back using the computer again.
bored. so end up, watching oprah's show.
but, im still getting bored so at last, go and have a shower.
get myself change to house shirt then cook the hotdog cheese for my friends to give them a surprise.
then mahzuz called me up. telling me to meet at the traffic light near bendemmer pri school at 9.30 am.
it was 9.15 am by the time he called. then quickly ironed my clothes. wear my shoe. then get out from my house.
reach the bus-stop. waited for the bus for quite awhile then the bus came. took it and alight at the bus stop near bendemeer pri.
i was late by 15 mins and it was drizzling. so i saw mahzuz. shukri. munir. opp the traffic light. eating something. i keep on smilling to them cause i'm only one who was late. mahzuz was having sore eyes. pity him.
walked to school. then went canteen to buy milo. it stains my skirt. then see hwa and mahzuz was laughing at me.
went to 2e1 classroom. about 5 mins later, fabian went in. open the hotdog container and it gives a strange smell.
fabian and mahzuz eat it. munir and shuk said they gonna eat later.
bored. hearing my discman with mahzuz. took munir phone then do the 3S again. then mahzuz wanted to put the eye drop. it was 11.10 am. so i do it. need to wait for another 4 hours to put it again.
so while waiting, when outside to do my revision while hearing the discman with mahzuz. then kept asking shuk abt something.
he was out of ideas. then i told him to went back to his sit to study. then you came. playing soccer.
then munir wanted to go to down cause he was bored. so mahzuz and i followed him. went to the canteen. buy 2 honey chicken pau for lunch.
went back to class again. took my hotdog cheese out again cause fabian wanted it. give it to him, hongling, munir and mahzuz. mahzuz was addicted to my hotdog. asked you whether you want. but you dont want it. neither shuk want.
took the 3S using fabian and munir phone. took here. took there. then you wanted to go home. didnt even say goodbye to me. sad i can say. but what can i do.
you went home then i asked to shuk about that something again. munir was playing with hongling phone. while mahzuz was lying down to sleep.
we're both were like dont know what the best solution to my prob then i gave up on thinking. took a fulscap and wrote my name all over.
then it was 3.10pm. took the eye-drop from mahzuz bag. we're gonna have the operation on mahzuz. munir was the doctor. shuk was the nurse. while me the second nurse. and we have a visitor. and it was hongling. then the operation was succesful one.
it was fun. then we all decided to play basketball. me and mahzuz were the only one who's not playing. then we went home at about 4 plus.
waited for the bus and saw suzi, amir and faizal. suzi was like asking me about you. then my bus came. and i took it.
reach home about 5. change back to my home clothes. then went to sharin's room to sleep.
and now, i'm blogging here.
end of speech. thank you.
thursday, sept 8-
11:30 AM
to my surprise, i've cried AGAIN. been crying since yesterday. due to that same old reason.
fine. i shall stop all this tears flowing. no more of feeling sad and depressed. no more of blaming things at you when its all MY FAULT. i'm sick of feeling like this everyday. i would be cool. and take life easy as what shuk will always say to me.
on my way back home, i starting to feel happy again. cause for the FIRST TIME i got 3 solutions to our problem. i shall be more thoughtful i thought. i should be giving more and shouldnt expect too much of its return. thats what i learn from all this.
thanks to mahzuz. kenny. especially shukri and ashraf. for their wonderful advice, encouragement and all. thanks for everything. thanks for being there when i'm in need of someone. X)
mahzuz was there for me when i wanted to de-stress myself from all this sadness. he would listens to what i say when he know that i was sad about something. like yesterday for example. he accompany me to the playground just to see me play the swing. and the weather was so hot but still he was sitting on a bench near to me. even though the sun might burn us. XD
as for kenny. he would be there for me when i was bored. he would take photo with me just to kill my boredness. or would accompany me when i was lonely especially. people might mistaken us for a couple cause we're so that close. and i will always search for my kenny. hahax. XD. like example this morning and noon. he went to school with me. cause we both got the heritage tour. but he was late for 10 mins. hahax. and during noon just now, we took a pic at the ava room using ashraf hp. he's so cute in that pic. the face like very blur-blur one. XD
while shukri will always be there when i need someone to talk to and my motivation to be happy and also give me encouragement for studies. like example last night. we chatted about the problem. he gives me alot of advice. actually just one. hahax. XD. will always making me think about the positive side of life and all. asking me to forget the past and move on. and just now, he also asked me to study real hard to get that mp3 that my bro gonna buy me at the end of the year. and would always wanna cheer me up when i'm sad or angry at someone. X)
and lastly for ashraf. he would always be there when i wanted to cry. like example just now inside the ava room. he said just cry if you really cant control it any longer. and also, he always make me think twice about the decision that i make. making me think of others than myself only. and will entertain me when i'm TOTALLY bored. or got nothing better to do. he also will always make me laugh at stupid things. X)
thanks you guys. thanks so much. you guys are one of my happiness for me to live.
aniway, i'm flooding ashraf phone with my pics just now. i was bored inside the bus so started to take pics of myself. i was being my 3S [sharina shiok sendiri] moments just now. hahax. XD. it was fun i told you. forgotten to take pic with denes just now though. at least it makes my day cause some of the pics was real nice. and cute too. i'm self praising here. XD.
i shall stop here. i'm going out for dinner later. so i gotta change now. maybe asking my mum to buy me a new bag later. friday, maybe gonna cut my hair. wee. i cant wait. i really in love with CF new hairstlye. so nice. i'm jealous. hahax. XD. ciaoz for now everybody. tata!
wednesdae, sept. 7-
9:50 AM
i'm not in my mood today so i guess i wont have the mood to blog much.
i cry again. due to the same old reason. i'm just sick of everything.
sick to care about everything in my life.
sorry. i didnt talk about it at all today. i wasnt in my best mood i guess. shall talk about it tomorrow after school.
the problem is still bothering me. dont think that i keep on avoiding it thats mean its not important to me. ask shuk or kenny if you dont believe me. i really wanna settle it with you but i just dont know how to start the convesation. really. i just dont know how to.
so my solution is to be happy back was to play the playground swing while hearing the bila rindu song. yup. i was okay by then. went back to school and started my revision.
tommorrow going for the heritage. i feel like not going. kenny feel the same way too.
oh ya. just remember. kenny keep on disturbing me just now. took a reflection pic with him at the bus-stop. it was nice. really nice. took my own pic using his phone at the 7-11. i was acting kinda cute but shuk told me it was nice. thanks shuk. and took shuk pic too. hahax. he asked me to delete it but i say it was nice. and he decided not to delete it after all.
just now, munir kept disturbing me with all the shorty stuff just because i was short. fine. at least i'm short but cute. hahax. i was acting as if i was merajuk with him and dont want to talk to him. and he pujuk me. hahax. he keep on say ing sorry. kinda irratating cause the way he pujuk me was like not sincere. but i was not angry at him at all.. nor hafizhan.. really..
i think my period coming. i'm having my moodswings nowadays. oh gosh.
anyway, sharin keep pestering me. shall stop here for now.
tuesday, sept 6-
12:05 PM
i'm angry.. i was so fed-up with the pple around me.. fine.. you people are testing my patience.. fine.. i'm trying to be cool but you people are provoking me.. who cant stand this..
firstly, the two kids are like not working with me along.. fine.. i know i shout so much.. but you think i like to shout.. its wasting my saliva.. it aches my throat.. i tell them nicely to put away their stuff and they dont want to listen to me.. suddenly i remember something that i used to remind my close peeps when they shout or the other way around when i shout.. do you know that shouting are no good for your throat.. it may lead to cancer.. shocked.. surprise.. its true.. mr dave once told me that.. no wonder teachers nowadays are using the speaker..
secondly, my dad kept asking me to wash the dishes.. ok.. to tell the truth, i usually lazy to wash them esp. when the two kids come and eat and i end up washing.. i mean is it fair for me.. all the blame for not washing it would always be me.. fine.. i hide it all inside.. and sharin didnt get any of this treatment.. fine.. tell me what he had done to this house or help anything about this family.. i try to understand all this just because "I AM A GIRL" thingy..
but today was different.. really.. its different.. i went to clean up my brother's room instead of mine.. even though my room is in the mess right now with my stuff and my revision thingy.. and i still havent clean them up yet.. after that, i clean up my living room just because my mum kept remind me to do that for so long.. and for once, i listens to her.. i was clean-clean there.. clean-clean here.. that i forgotten all about the dishes.. i swear i actually forgot.. and when i'm done with the cleaning, mahzuz called me and we chatted for quite long.. while talking to him just now, he scolded and nagged at me as if i didnt do anything at the house.. i was pretty upset by then.. i mean i totally forgot it and he scold me.. is it fair?
ok fine.. i should treasure both of my parents.. fine.. i still prefer my mum.. i hate my dad.. i know i shouldnt hate him but do you think what he doing to me wight now is right.. he's so biased towards me and my twin bro.. he always get what he want while me .. haiz.. its not the first time, he treated me this way.. it been so long but i just couldnt understand why he doing this to me.. i cried and cried and cried.. but still it's no use to him..
i dont know why i study so hard to please my family.. i dont know why i tried to make them happy where myself is so sad and broken because of them.. i dont know why they think i dont listen to them where i've try so hard to change to what they want me to be.. i know i'm worthless.. i know i'm nothing.. i know i'm useless.. it is such a disgrace to have me around.. i know..
i shouldnt blog anymore.. have a nice evening..
monday, sept. 5-
9:30 AM
promise michelle not to write any mushy words here anymore.. fine.. i keep to my promise.. X)
i was frustrated with my 2nd bro due to his daughter.. want to act as if he's like so big.. fucking bro.. you think what.. i'm scare of you.. you never contribute anything to this family.. just a moronic 2 child which to me are damn freaking irritating.. just a bloody flirter.. think you're so handsome.. go and die lah.. i curse you that you wont find any gf.. even if so, it wont last long.. hahax.. i'm cruel.. i know.. X)
tell you people what actually happened.. firstly, his daughter saw my sweets in my room when i went inside my bro room cause i wanted to use the comp and i was in my room for the whole noon cause i'm writing my notes while doing my revision.. then she told me.. "wah.. sweet.." i was like told her this.. "you go and find the bear that you've played with just now".. actually, its not a bear but a watch actually but its just shape like a bear.. it was given to me by one of my ex on my last year birthday.. hahax.. XD.. anyway she just reply me, "i dont know".. then i was like "you go and find then i give you sweet".. but then she's like just laze around and kept asking me for sweet.. i was like kinda get irritated by her but i just continue to watch the cartoon on the tv.. acting like i dont hear anything at all from her.. and she started crying and told her father which is my bro that i have sweet and she wants it.. but i stubbornly didnt give her even though my bro shouted to me twice.. then suddenly my bro raised his voice at me and i cant stand him any longer then i shouted to him, "i better go to my room to study" and walked out from my bro room.. and went inside my room..
i was like saying backwards and giving bad remarks behind my closed door.. and see my reflection on the mirror.. telling me not to cry.. but not to my suprise, i cried while hearing melompat lebih tinggi song to calm myself down.. few minutes later, i was okay and went out from my room to cook instant noodles cause i'm like so hungry.. and now, i'm here to blog.. X)
maybe, it was my fault.. but i dont care.. peeps dont respect me, i dont repect them.. thats my motto in life.. aniway, i've notice that i've change.. hahax.. XD.. i know i'm praising myself up.. hahax.. X).. gotta end here.. sharin wanna use the comp.. ciaoz peeps.. gud evening to all!
sunday, sept. 4-
9:45 AM
wee.. i'm bored.. so come and update here.. yesterday was the last day of school before school is closing for the holiday.. i'm sad.. not gonna see you for a week.. actually wanted to go home with you yesterday but you got camp.. haiz.. its rarely that i would go home late especially on fridays.. but what can i do.. force you not to go.. nah.. i'm not that selfish.. X).. you're so cute.. i miss you so much.. keep thinking you constantly today.. haiz.. X(..
starting to get addicted to this song.. keep on hearing it on my discman.. honestly, i used not to really like this song.. really.. i used to think that its like so nonsense.. so damn irritating.. keep on repeating one phrase during the chorus of the song.. but now.. suddenly, feel like hearing it everyday.. hahax.. XD..
aniway, i've done my revision on science for chapter 4.. still havent finish my revision on chapter 3.. hahax.. chapter 3 is so hard.. i dont understand anything about the transport thingy.. haiz.. left 11 more chapters to go.. hopefully i would finish my science revision in another 3 more days.. aniway, i feel like i dont want to do the revision on chapter 5 & 6 for science.. i just cant stand seeing all those things.. eeeek.. its so embarrasing.. its so disgusting.. XD.. but i got no choice.. never mind.. shall continue the revison tommorrow.. aniway, i just remember that i got science and home-econ test when school reopen.. hm.. should write notes on them especially for science..
btw, i just notice something about my entries on my blog.. its not that i keep on writing so mushy these days.. nah.. not that.. hahax.. XD.. its just that it didnt tell the date when i post it.. oh god.. shall change the skin someday.. i mean i just change this skin like 6 six days ago.. i just cant change it again.. i'm so lazy and i got no time.. hahax.. XD.. maybe changing it this coming friday.. perhaps..
aniway, i will be coming to school on this tues and wed.. i got duty on tue for the listening.. haiz.. i'm so unlucky.. and for wed, i got the heritage thingy.. X).. i cant wait for wed.. surely it will be fun.. and this time around, all my close friends would be coming along.. not like the battle-field where sumeed wasnt there with me.. i felt so lonely and bored.. X(..
i shall end here for now.. got nothing to blog.. ciaoz peeps.. have a early rest.. gud nite..
saturday, sept 3-
10:35 AM
yesterday was the cross-country run.. get 33 position.. hahax.. i sucks at running i know.. actually didnt plan to run but i dont know why suddenly i have the urge to run when i saw everyone is like running passed by me.. hahax.. X).. due to mahzuz that keep on shouting shorty at the end of the race, i sped up.. hahax.. thanks for motivated me..
after the cross-country, went out with all my small-small kids.. hahax.. kidding.. i was the oldest among them all and the shortest too.. i have so much fun.. been so long that i didnt have this fun.. went tampines mall and saw suhair, suhair bro [sufri] and fadli.. suhair voice has change.. hahax.. XD.. i keep on disturbing him but unluckily, he's taller than me.. X(.. fadli hasnt change at all when last time, i saw him.. sufri wear specs i'm shocked.. actually when i saw him, i was thinking that i've see this face before but i just couldnt remember who.. and when i look closer and thats him.. thats sufri.. hahax.. XD..
fine.. i misunderstood you.. fine.. i'm changing back to what i were like the day that we just started all this.. i will be that girl back tommorrow.. i promised.. if this gonna make you happy, fine.. i will change back.. dont worry.. i wont ever regret changing back.. i wont regret making such sacrifice just for you.. i will be happy when i'm with you.. even if it makes me sad.. i will never show it out to you.. i wont regret anything cause i never regret liking you in the first place.. X).. thanks ashraf.. thanks for everything.. thanks for telling me.. X)
i'm not really in my mood today.. i just dont know why.. tommorrow is the last day of school before the holiday is starting.. gonna miss you so much..
gotta end here.. nothing to blog anymore.. ciaoz peeps.. gud nitex.. take care..
11:50 AM