1:30 PM
i've not been feeling well since on the way home
&& adding in with my personal problems i'm facing
yes. i seriously not myself the whole day
i went out to meet bayang-bayang just now
&& nura followed us too
i did enjoyed myself when i'm with all of them
though my moodswings was up on the air
anyway, tommorow is our 2th month
right now, i'm not even sure
i should be happy or dissapointed about it
he didnt even contact me the whole day
nor he didnt even tried.
i'm tired of being the one
to do all the "work" in the relationship
the first one to call him. the first one who texted him.
the first one who is always making plan
stop running further and further away from me
&& playing hard isnt getting me any nearer to you
i wont bother chasing after you
when you have run so far away from me
whats the point of doing all that
when i'm already your girlfriend
i'm seriously not letting this go.
i know i deserve someone better
but somehow and something make me think otherwise
whatever it is, i'm still waiting for 1.39am [:
11:15 PM
I LOST MY VOICE!!!
i'm sad
i lost it during physics
which is after recess
i'm not surprised about it though
cause i would lose it every year
either once or twice
anyway, school today was so-so
starting from next week or something
everyday i have to go home at 6.30pm
due to i failed four subjects
first time i get 3 F9 -_-
left none to say
vrrrroooooommmm
4:34 PM
FOR MY DEAR & ONLY RASOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
i'm not sure how many O's he wanna put in his name XD
LIBRA: The lame lover
Very pretty/handsome. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet. Amazing in Bed. Not the kind of person you wanna mess with because u might end up crying. The most irresistible.
the more i notice about this horoscope thingy
the more i realise most of the phrases are repeating
in every horoscope so dont believe it entirely [:
4:00 PM
good morning everyone
i cant wait, meeting my bestie later
been 5 weeks since we went out together
i miss going out with her and all
though i know we're in the same class
i will be going home early today
due to she going out with her family at 6pm
so yeah. i will be online by evening.
elmo didnt contact me for the past 3 days
i seriously dont know what happen to him
we are drifted apart day by day with me noticing it
darling, please dont treat me this way ):
9:20 AM
i get this from my yan-yan XD
when will be your next sunshine course?
ME:
Taurus: The Tramp
Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find. Loves being in long relationships. Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy. Loves to help people in times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality. Stubborn. Most caring person you will ever meet. One of a kind. Not one to mess with. Are the most sexiest people on earth.
ELMO & HAFIZ[BEAN]:
Aquarius: Does It In Water
Trustworthy. Sexy. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. Amazing in bed, The best lovers to have.
NURA, KAYATHIRE & HIDAYAT:
Gemini: Does Twosomes
Nice. Their love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very good in bed. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. Very forgiving. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. Ultra Sexy, The most irresistable.
BAYANG-BAYANG:
Sagittarius:. The Sexy one
Spontaneous. Horny. Freak in Bed. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. The one. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very romantic. Nice to everyone they meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet. Amazing in Bed. Not the kind of person you wanna mess with, you might end up crying.
AARON, ZUBAIDAH & FAIZ[FAUZAN]:
Virgo:The Virgin
Dominant in relationships. Sexy. someone loves them right now. Freak in bed. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Intellectual. Attractive. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget Love at first sight. Someone that you ever wanted. Easy to please. Commited to one. Ultimate sexiness.
NABILLAH:
Scorpio: The Sex Addict
Can be mean. Extremely sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most erotic. Freak in bed. Great kisser. Always get what they want. Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Caring.
**note to them: korang jangan kembang sudah [:
9:00 AM
MY HAPPY MOOD IS BACK [:
FUCK THOSE MOODSWING I HAD
i just got home from esplanade
seriously i'm exhausted from it
&& my neck is like aching now
for no apparent reason ):
i regret wearing what i wore just now
should have not wear that to esplanade
a lesson to be learn for me next time
i saw tons of people there
as in i know them
i shall mention who
cause its countable
faris, mastura, adam,
shahrizan, kid and aeris
not tons of people after all
going out with my bestie tommorrow
but she have to be back by 6pm
so yeah. i will be free after that
any takers for the time period of 6.30pm-9pm?
its late
i'm off to bed now
11:30 PM
i'm not in my mood
&& my thinking alot is up again.
this week have been a torture to me. studies, elmo and even, my relationship with bayang-bayang are not in the good terms. just say that lately everything around me have been cruel to me and i dont take it positively.
firstly, studies, i'm like way lagging behind. seriously behind in everything. teachers are complaining about my late work or not handing stuff or not studying hard for class test but all i can do is just laugh it out loud and tell myself, there is still time to do/catch up with them. i'm in my self-denial mode even though
MID-YEAR IS NEXT MONTH,
PRELIM IS DURING JULY
&& O LEVELS ARE COMING UP ON OCTOBER ]:
secondly, for elmo, i try to be there for him but seriously, its like i'm nowhere to be seen to him and my efforts are like worthless cause he is not with there for me back. even waiting for me for 15 mintues, its such a drag to him. wth. he should have waited i know.
lastly, for bayang-bayang, if you think like i'm taking advantage of you, go on with your life and go find other and better girls. they are worth something more than being with me. i'm so sorry for making friends with you. if i didnt, all this wont happen. its my fault and not yours so dont keep on blaming yourself. i will still be your friend no matter what but i'm not gonna call you and i'm not gonna meet you that often like what i used to do so yeah. we're still friends but for now, give me some time alone. i seriously in need one.
i'm off.
toilet break XD
4:00 PM
today is my 299 post
its been one week since i have known my bayang-bayang
met up with him just now
he was sick. how sad to see it.
he didnt even went to his soccer match
which he have been looking forward to
for the past few weeks and days
anyway, tomorow school is starting
homework still remain untouch
oh who cares about it?
i cancelled my date with nura tommorow
sorry my dear friend, i feel bad about it
she wanted to go out together after school
going somewhere like the library or something
since its been awhile we've done that
but i watching elmo
playing soccer at st wilfred
&& she says she wanna follow me
so yeah, we're just doing other stuff
instead of roaming around at shopping mall
or lending some books to read to pass the time
i'm off
nothing much
my eyes are closing XD
8:00 PM
i wanted to update this in the later part of the day but some matters of the heart is pestering me to write it out now. this is some kind of personal && thats the main reason i'm writing this in malay.
untuk bayang-bayang, i'm so sorry kalau i sakitkan hati you. i didnt mean it at all. kalau melupakan i is the best solution which i think right now it is, i think you should just go ahead with it. i tak nak you anggap yang i stakat nak mempermainkan perasaan you cause you know, i know that i'm attached and i still love him. seriously, i am really glad to find someone like you who similarly ade perangai sama dengan i. tak pernah i menyangka that one day, i would find someone like you honestly. promise me that we will still be friends or bettter best friend no matter what happens in the end?
told you, my malay sucks (;
i actually wanted to write it longer but i guess i just dont want to type out too much details about it. its not important for you people to know anyway.
i cancelled my plan with my bayang-bayang yesterday due to i met him at 4 && by 7, i have to be at geylang serai cause i'm having a "family dinner" there for my sister's birthday and my dad's late birthday celebrations. not to my suprise, i came there at 8.15pm && all of them have just finish eating cause they thought i'm not coming but luckily, my mum bought some food to eat at home. so yeah. i ate a little after i reached home cause for goodness sake, i dont know why && went to bed after that. i'm tired you know.
i'll be meeting my bayang-bayang later. i dont actually cancelled the plan, its just that i postphone it to today.
i'm off from here.
i'm flying XD
9:30 AM
i'm falling head over heels over elmo again. i know it sounds stupid but meeting him yesterday, seriously, make a huge impact on me && my day. after a long time that we didnt meet each other, i actually miss him terribly && i didnt really notice it till i spent the whole time with him. he's like super cute with his new hairstyle, i love it darling. so can i say it out loud now.
"I LOVE YOU, ELFIE [:"
i'm supposed to meet him today. but since just now, he didnt even call me. i bet you, he is still sleeping. i MAY cancel my plan with my bayang-bayang if he is calling me way later than i expected him to. sorry my friend. there's always next time aite? (; but there's always a possibility that he is UNABLE to go out with me. so yeah. i'm not sure about my plans for today.
oh sharina is in love
wheeeeeeeeeeeeee....
12:00 PM
to some guy: i know you are refering it to me in your msn nick so change it. dont blindly accused me if you think i am. what i told you last morning, was not some rad excuses, it was the truth. i REJECTED you because i have a boyfriend right now, i'm NOT interested in you && you're not someone i would consider having cause all this while, i've been treating you as a friend and not more than that. like what i said in some of my earlier post, firstly, i WONT break up with my boyfriend && i WONT break up with him FOR some guy/some guyfriend of mine who is interested in me so just back off. dont pester me by messaging me to go out with you and all cause i wont and i dont want to. just give up your hope on me because i dont want to be with you && i cant imagine, being with you even. so why waste your time on me. i'm not going to be nice this time. seriously. i'm tired of pleasing people especially to those who i have hurt to. some just take advantage of my guilt and toyed them around in their hand. what the heck.
i'll be meeting my bayang-bayang soon. we go && eat.
then meeting elmo in the afternoon.
YEAH!! [:
off i go.
going to get ready.
9:45 AM
the 6th kiss gone
when can i stop this?
with you, drifting apart from me
i cant stop thinking why
why i deserve all this?
i just want to have your attention
but i guess i'm just not your top priority
i dont want to be too protective of you
&& i give you all the freedom you want
but sometimes, i regret giving it all to you
cause i'm the one who trying to please you so much
i dont want to be too selfish
&& just think about myself
but we are spending lesser and lesser time together
its really sad to see all that happening to us
i'm spending my own time with my guyfriends
because i got no one to spent time with
you know i do not have alot of girlfriends
&& nura is always busy with her life
i told my guyfriends about all the things
that is happening to me these few days
at the back of my mind, i just wonder why isnt you
that i'm telling all that to, instead of them
i really dont want our feelings to fade way
cause i'm seriously in love with you.
9:00 AM
hello. hello. hello. XD
last sunday was fun. seriously. i get to know more people = new friends. those i hang out with during/after the gig are super duper funny people. i love them. anyway, aaron and i lost on our way to "L Cube Studio" on the earlier part of that day and finding a fast food restaurant in tanjong pagar on a sunday was hard. it was super hilarious i tell you. after searching for that studio for an hour with the help of axel[sharin's friend] by calling him up, at last we found it. honestly, we didnt even went in due to the fact that the place is freaking small. smaller than IJ in fact but only its air-condition. so we ended up, going gashaus instead. i know. you know. i got the same facial expression with you people.
fyi: not going any gig these week. i'm lazy [:
went esplanade to chill with bayang2 yesterday. we wanted to keep low profile about our "getting-closer" relationship so thats the main reason, i'm not writing his name here. he and me are only friends so dont think that i've forgotten that i'm attached and i going to ditch my boyfriend for this friend of mine. no way, its going to happen. i dont want to lose my boyfriend when there is some girls that are chasing after him cause i'm still in love with him. yeah. i'm selfish. i know.
bayang2 and me are like twins.
we have the same mindset && wierd-ness.
thats how we created a nickname for ourselves for each other = "bayang2" = shadow
meeting bayang2 && his friend later. i cant wait.
i'm off.
i got nothing to say anymore.
9:00 AM
good morning everyone
aaron FINALLY decided to go to the tanjong pagar gig. sudden change of plan. i dont even know why.
i gave elmo a wake up call just now at around 8am cause he's having a soccer training in the morning and also in the afternoon later. sunday is his soccer-training/match day while sunday is my gig-going day. so yeah. sunday is our chasing-after interest day. okay. i'm starting to talk nonsensical stuff now. anyway, i love hearing his voice when he wakes up. like super cute. yeah. i'm refering it to you darling. you're cute. seriously [:
that fucked up guy is currently dating a girl or going on with a girl. i know it through his friendster pic. like so obvious. i'm not angry or jealous or whatsoever that you think i might be feeling right now. i'm proud to say that i'm so and totally over him. cause "what goes around, goes around, goes around. comes all the way back around". i wish him all the best. good luck to you.
i'm off now.
breakfast is on the table.
10:00 AM
whhhoooooooooossshhhhh
this post may be a long one since its been a long, long time that i wrote a long post due to my lazy-ness and nothing good to write. frankly speaking, i'm just bored at home. i'm all alone with my cat while hearing some indie/rock/emo/post hardcore/experimental songs.
honestly, i dont want to bother with what people tell me anymore unless they are my super close & best friends. i will let them say all they want and i wont be swayed with what they say though it may be true. i'm tired of listening to them and believe everything they have to say. i have to trust you no matter what or else this relationship wont go any further. life is short and our relationship may be short too. why dont i make this such a happy relationship while i'm still with you? dont waste time on the un-necessary things. okay. now, i'm satisfied with my life. thanks to my thinking alot today.
going gig with aaron tomorrow. either at gashaus or at tanjong pagar. i asked aaron to choose. its all up to him now and i lied to aeris that i'm not going to any gig tomorrow as i got other plans. i'm such a busted ass. cause no way, i'm paying the tic for him. im not gonna dig my own money. i'm not such a rich person. HELLO? who cares about him anyway?
&& now, i get to download all my favourite songs.
I'M HAPPY SERIOUSLY
[: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [: [:
SEE THAT SMILEY FACES ABOVE
YEAH. THATS HOW HAPPY I AM.
9:00 PM
i'm not in my fucking good mood currently
seriously, why did you have to lie to me?
i've been busy with school
&& its not something i want
i tried to be there for you
where i didnt even care about myself
with you saying sorry about it,
doesnt make the situation any better
i dont know whether i make the right choice
i should have waited long enough
regret, yes i am right now.
im pissed.
7:15 PM
watsup people [:
i failed nearly 4 subjects
i totally flung them
my fault for not studying hard
been going home late these days
because of the 30th anniversary rehearsal
totally exhausted and i skipped alot of lessons
luckily, tomorrow is the actual day
no more rehearsal and my life is back to normal
friday afternoon, i'm going out with elmo
sunday, going gig with aaron again
thats my schedule for the weekend
recently, alot of things on my mind
&& alot of things is happening
i really cant take the pressure
chocolate is my buddy for the past days
it relieves me and make me feel better
i seriously think alot now
&& i fucking hate doing that
9:00 PM
well, i just came back from school
&& sharin is not at home. yes ah [:
was supposed to go home with him
but he got a soccer match at st wilfred
which is why sharin is not at home also
so i ended up going home with diana
i know. i cant believe it either.
i hate that mat ite guy i walked passed by just now
i was screaming "arrogant" to hamzah
and he thought i was screaming to him
he even dared to scold me vulgarities back
what the fuck. i dont even know him.
anyway, i passed my physics
just passed as usual
i going to fail social studies
due to i just study this morning
i totally flung my combined humanities .
my schedule is packed again
this time is because of gigs
the only day i free now is friday afternoon
by the way, fifth kiss gone yesterday
how could i?
4:30 PM
hello people [:
just change my skin
took me nearly the whole day to do it
been awhile since i've done a skin
any problem with it, tag me alright
have to rush to go to anis house later
cause by 3pm, i have to be at the gig
&& my mum is giving me problem
dont tell me i have to give in again
didnt even went out for the past 2 days
&& all i get is the same problem i get every weekend
i gotta go.
i am done here.
11:45 AM
today is my 287 posts &&&
my 1st month, being with him [:
was supposed to go out with him
but was cancel at the last minute
angry, no. i'm not seriously
going out tomorrow with aeris
and not forgetting nura
going anis's open house
then go gig, meet aaron there
feel like changing this blogskin
i'm sick of tired, seeing the same thing
i'm not in the mood
to write such a long post today XD
9:30 PM
seriously, i'm delighted despite whatever happenned with the "divas" few days back.
can both of you just talk to each other? both of you have been making my life and nura's life miserable and troublesome for the past two days. we just dont know who to hang out with anymore. they just only think about each others' pride and not about the friendship among us. i gave up, thinking about them.
anyway, i'm happy due to two main reason. firstly, because aeris contacted me recently. okay. at least he still wanted to make friends with me back and doesnt hate me entirely and the other thing is that i started to realise that my feelings for him grew stronger. by the way, tomorrow is our 1st month. maybe going out with him to vivo city though i know i hate that place alot. i mean ALOT for some reason.
for the past days, its been common test. for sure, i flung my chemistry and history. for goodness sake, i already failed my english. i know i should start the revision now but lets just wait till my common test ends. i must force myself to start early or else, i'll be at the losing end but there's too much temptation to resist from. now, who can tell me how should i do it? and when?
enough for today.
7:15 PM