i'm sad. i'm not in my mood.
i just keep hearing slow and sad song.
and i'm still searching for new songs to hear.
why must i think of you.
when the thought of you pulled me down.
everytime i think of happy thoughts.
those are past.
and i'm moving on.
this is what i'm doing.
but what has stopped me.
8:30 PM
emo guy = cute & hawwt!!
he makes me melt.
i wanna know him more.
though i just know him today.
but it feels like i know him for so long.
the thought of it makes me tickles abit.
cause he has the same name as my twin bro.
yup. sharin.
thats his name.
but he's eighteen.
way older than me by three years.
10:30 PM
i'm bored to death at home. i'm just rotting. gosh. all i do is watch tv which got nothing great to watch, surt the net which later or sooner, i will get bored of it and i would eat which i know that i would have the tendency to eat much more than i normally do. and thinking about that wednesday i got physical education, the thoughts scares me as i might not run as well as the first run i had last week. thats what i hate during holiday cause i would just eat junks. just junks of food that has alot of fats and monosodium glumate [msg]. gosh.
anyway, i starting to fall deeper to rock genre. gosh. i dont know what happen to me. i used not to really like them. its not that i hate but i just dislike it. guess i've change like everybody does. but somehow, i'm still the old sharina people used to know. i still love jiwang malay song and pop songs. still <3 fauzie laily and jesse mccartney. woohoo.
i'm still in bad terms with kimmy till now even though he had apologised to me yesterday. (:
i got eat my dinner now. so ciaoz.
7:30 PM
yeah. been long since i've blog. been busy with the chinese new year rehearsal and all. its a great success for today. and its much better than the rehearsal. even mr dave told us so. and also sharin is not around at home right now so as you all guess it. i got to blog and surf the net the whole day.
i was supposed to go home with kimmy today cause he went school but when he went to search for me and when he saw me, i just walked off from school when i saw him cause i thought he would turn back and walked behind me but instead he went in to school straight. and by the looks of him when i do that, he looked fed up with me. i was feeling bad. yeah. freak, i'm guilty.
and to make the matter worst, when i apologised to him by text, he asked me to go away. gosh. and i've apologised him like thrice and he still angry with me. i feel that i was totally giving him in. and this is what nura had to say, "you're not like the sharina i know cause when people said this kind of things to sharina, i know that sharina would talk back to that person rudely or even criticize that person back." freak. that sentence still twirling in my mind right now. thanks nura for the advice even though it doesnt help much with what i'm feeling. aniway, the text that he gave me was hurtful, and anyone would be angry with what he said but i'm just feeling regret and guilty instead.
i know i'm too soft hearted especially to him. i know he should be one doing all that like how i did to him just now instead of me. i know i cant always give in to him. i know lots of my friends hate him and i shouldnt stay in contact with him anymore. and i also know that he's no longer my bf. but i dont know why i totally become so weak and dumb when it comes to him. gosh.
aniway, gonna change my skin later. been long since i've change one. well, not that long actually i know.
exam coming. less than one more month to go. got to rush for revision.
i got to go now. toodles everyone.
5:00 PM
well, i'm taking a break for awhile from all that study and homeworks. got to catch up with my studies especially chemistry since i didnt really pay attention during the lesson. and common test is around the corner. one month more and we're busy preparing notes and all. and i dont want to dissapoint myself anymore.
so you all may ask me. so why am i here blogging? well, i feel something wasnt right if i didnt blog today. *giggles*. yeah. its wierd and all.
i may not blog this few days. busy with studying and revising my work.
off back to my studies. tata.
7:30 PM
Come To Me, Jesse Mccartney
Under the silver stars,
Right where he broke your heart.
Girl you know, I'd give you everything.
I wanna hold your hand,
And say the words he never said.
I'll make you promises you can believe.
[Chorus]
Let me be the one,
Telling you it's alright
Sharing the smiles and tears you cry.
Let me be the one,
Loving you when you're weak.
For all of the strength you need,
You can come to me.
When you're down and you feel so lonely
Turn around, you can come to me
When you're down baby, i will be the only
Come to me
You can just be yourself,
'Cause I don't want nobody else.
All of your secrets are safe with me.
For the kind of love you can trust,
For more than just a crush,
Baby, won't you just come to me?
[Chorus]
Let me be the one,
Telling you it's alright
Sharing the smiles and tears you cry.
Let me be the one,
Loving you when you're weak.
For all of the strength you need,
You can come to me.
When i got you in my arms
Say it's where you wanna be
(where you wanna be, yeah)
'Cause girl i'm down on my knees
Promising my heart oh, my heart
12:00 PM
i've been busy these few days with school and been going home late. so as usual, sharin conquered the computer till school ends till he felt asleep so tell me, when could i use the computer. unless he went out like now or he went to soccer training which he rarely go.
anyway, i hang out with kimmy at geylang east library yesterday afternoon till evening. okay. i was totally looking forward for it when he asked me out right after schoool but when i saw him, i went all quiet. and he talked alot about his school. i mean ALOT! but i feel comfortable with him doing that. i'm normally really love it when he talked to me alot especially when i got nothing much to say. and un-surprisely, he still likes me. well, he's sweet and all but going once more of relationship with him, wow. i got to really re-think about it.
by the way, i no longer have a crush on that graduating guy. anyway, i dont like him okay. its just a guy who i find him cute. and thats all. fullstop. no more.
enough said. ciaoz.
7:00 PM
school great but my day sucks today. and give a round of applause to someone. *claps* *claps* all my mood ruins because of him. fuck. he just sucks. irritating fellow who is still childish. grow up for once. gosh. EEUKKK!!
well, i dont want my mood affect for my daily blogging, just because of him. the sight of him, makes me wanna hate him even more now. HATED!!
anyway, i have some kind of "crush" on a graduating student. i'm not telling who. *evi laugh* well, its more like admiration cause i find him cute even though i've seen him like for 3 years and for once, i really take notice on him. and why its gotta be this year when he gonna graduate. what the heck. i only admire him without any of my feelings involved. so what word i can actually use to say about this situation? maybe just my hormones playing up on me. LOL! what the heck i'm talking about.
i know admiration can lead to love. but please. i admit i may be desparate for a guy's company but love, WOW! thats a big word. i'm afraid of commitment. by the way, i'm still fourteen going fifteen. i got time to catch up with that kind of stuff when i'm old enough to be ready into it.
i'm talking craps. nothing much to say i guess. toodles.
9:00 PM
i'm in need for someone special.
once in while, thinking about it
would just make me cry even harder.
who i cry for. why i cry for.
i, myself not sure the answer.
i thought i've healed from the broken heart.
i thought i'm fine without anyone.
i thought i'm that strong.
i've thought so much that i've forgotten
to realise whats important to me.
i let things go just like that.
thinking everything would be fine after that.
hoping people would be happy with my decision.
but whats missing in my life after that.
do the people even know or do they even care.
time. time would heal it all.
thats what people said to me.
lies. i dont believe it.
in order, to heal your heart.
you have to forget everything that ever happen to you.
i never told anyone how i feel all this while.
all they know is i'm happy. i'm joking around.
cause thats what they know me for 3 years so far.
thats true. but thats just one part of me.
do they actually know that i loves being alone.
try asking anyone who knows me well.
8:00 PM
wow. been long since i've post anything in here. went home early with mable. i'm always tired ever since school starts. i would always sleep in the evening. gosh. sec 3 life is HECTIC. well, not as hectic as sec 4's as they are having o lvl this year. and irp has started. i just wanna stress azuu if she's gonna read this post. *bleah* LOL!
in search for a new skin for me and jia en. okay. stop pestering me, jia en. i promised you just now that i would change you skin today right. see. instead of revising my work, i'm finding a skin for you. thats such a "big" sacrifices of my time. like real. whatever.
well, gotta go. will update more tommorrow. ciaoz.
2:00 PM
well, today's blogging gonna be short. sorry. i got to continue my search on my hard cover file like now cause i'm in need of them tommorrow for my geog and english lessons.
alot of things in my mind right now. cant really think straight.
teachers that teaches me.
english = ms tan lee san
maths = mr alan chan
malay = mdm kartini
social studies = ms mabel kam
elective history = ms mabel kam [tutorial], mr malcom tan [lecture]
pure geography = mr danial lim
physics = ms/mrs au chen han
chemistry = mrs eileen ho [under maternity leave], ms sabrina soh [relief]
f & n = ms/mrs joan ng
p.e = mr zuhri
thats the end.
8:50 PM
i've not been feeling well since this morning. i got a cold, a bad headache and a slight fever. i should have take the symptoms of my fever more serious the past few days, a sore throat and a bad moodswings.
modswings = alot of stress at school and a craving of bf.
they do sucks.
why must they rule my life.
they keep making me wander off
my mind always has something to think about them.
1:30 PM
i actually lied to myself all this while.
somehow i still waiting for you.
why cant you just notice me.
i'm so forever near you.
i'm no longer can sense you liking me.
it hurts that bad to see that.
i'm suffering inside without you.
dont you know i kept myself occupied
so that i wont think about you.
there's always a time
where i would think so much.
thinking whether you could be mine.
i'm not asking that much.
just give me another chance.
its hard for me to forget you.
how i wish i could tell you this.
with all the words i told you now
mean a thing to you?
i guess you just dont care.
or even you wouldnt want to know all this.
i only want you.
6:10 PM
so here i am again. blogging. okay. been a long time since i've updated this. like around five days. sorry peeps been going back home late since the first day of school. busy with my ava thingy such as banner and all and some chairperson stuff.
yup. i'm a chairperson. cant believe it right. this type of girl can be a chairperson. whatever. as if i want to be. i was voted or easily said, "sabo" by my classmates. but i'm not like so firece towards my classmates. i've even be a bad example for them to follow like using the phone in chemistry class. *grin*
first time when into my class, i've been feeling all wierd. and plus haiqal is sitting the next table of mine. and i'm like freak. omg. gosh. i was feeling all the negative feelings. and some of our classmates like rohaan and li lok like to tease us. please. please. its the past. i no longer care. *whistling*
tommorrow, maybe going back to school for the sec one orientation. omg. i'm just lazy. need to complete the ava banner. damn it. meeting aqib, just a primary school friend of mine, in the afternoon. we're only going shopping and chilling out together and its not dating you guys. i wanna buy a new ear piece for my sis mp3.
ending here. wanna eat my dinner. ciaoz.
6:45 PM
went out at bugis with my family except that sharin my dad didnt follow us. bought my school shoe which is kappa in the end. saw some choir girls while buying. sorry didnt really know most of their name so i cant mention who is who. after that went carrefour to meet my sister which we end up waiting for her as always. the kids bought some colouring book and stuff at the carrefour. saw a samsung mp3 which i wanted to buy which costs about 200 bucks. have to wait till my mum get her bonus on chinese new year to buy it. then we went delifrance to eat. while waiting for our order, i snapped some pictures.
after we ate, went back to bugis back to take a bus ride home. we took some time to watch the fountain of wealth.
while snapping those pictures, i somehow wish that someday i got to watch all these with a sweetie of mine who i really care and adore. its kind of romantic to me.
on the way back to bugis, saw our sec 3 group of guys. dont really know most of their name. sorry again about it. well, while crossing the road, saw zhen hui and her bf. phew. luckily she never saw me. they looked so cute together. somehow, i envy them. i kept turning to my right in which they are standing. the more i think about them, the more i wanna have a sweetie.
more updates later.
11:00 AM