i'm angry.. i was so fed-up with the pple around me.. fine.. you people are testing my patience.. fine.. i'm trying to be cool but you people are provoking me.. who cant stand this..

firstly, the two kids are like not working with me along.. fine.. i know i shout so much.. but you think i like to shout.. its wasting my saliva.. it aches my throat.. i tell them nicely to put away their stuff and they dont want to listen to me.. suddenly i remember something that i used to remind my close peeps when they shout or the other way around when i shout.. do you know that shouting are no good for your throat.. it may lead to cancer.. shocked.. surprise.. its true.. mr dave once told me that.. no wonder teachers nowadays are using the speaker..

secondly, my dad kept asking me to wash the dishes.. ok.. to tell the truth, i usually lazy to wash them esp. when the two kids come and eat and i end up washing.. i mean is it fair for me.. all the blame for not washing it would always be me.. fine.. i hide it all inside.. and sharin didnt get any of this treatment.. fine.. tell me what he had done to this house or help anything about this family.. i try to understand all this just because "I AM A GIRL" thingy..

but today was different.. really.. its different.. i went to clean up my brother's room instead of mine.. even though my room is in the mess right now with my stuff and my revision thingy.. and i still havent clean them up yet.. after that, i clean up my living room just because my mum kept remind me to do that for so long.. and for once, i listens to her.. i was clean-clean there.. clean-clean here.. that i forgotten all about the dishes.. i swear i actually forgot.. and when i'm done with the cleaning, mahzuz called me and we chatted for quite long.. while talking to him just now, he scolded and nagged at me as if i didnt do anything at the house.. i was pretty upset by then.. i mean i totally forgot it and he scold me.. is it fair?

ok fine.. i should treasure both of my parents.. fine.. i still prefer my mum.. i hate my dad.. i know i shouldnt hate him but do you think what he doing to me wight now is right.. he's so biased towards me and my twin bro.. he always get what he want while me .. haiz.. its not the first time, he treated me this way.. it been so long but i just couldnt understand why he doing this to me.. i cried and cried and cried.. but still it's no use to him..

i dont know why i study so hard to please my family.. i dont know why i tried to make them happy where myself is so sad and broken because of them.. i dont know why they think i dont listen to them where i've try so hard to change to what they want me to be.. i know i'm worthless.. i know i'm nothing.. i know i'm useless.. it is such a disgrace to have me around.. i know..

i shouldnt blog anymore.. have a nice evening..

monday, sept. 5-

If Only You Know
9:30 AM